


The fundamental things apply

by supercali



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Emmerdale Big Bang Round 2, Fluff, M/M, Sleepless in Seattle AU, Slow Burn, Some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 22:58:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 26,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15982286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercali/pseuds/supercali
Summary: After losing Jackson over a year ago, Liv is worried about her brother and wants him to find a new boyfriend. That’s how Aaron ends up on local radio on Christmas Eve. Robert’s a successful reporter with his local paper, and he’s getting married.He’s on his way to meet his fiance’s family for Christmas when he hears a voice on the radio.Can his destiny really be someone he’s never met? Can he be the one to catch Aaron’s attention and get him to meet in London on Valentine’s Day?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This came about mainly because of a conversation between me and @amandaj718 back in February when we were chatting about another fic mentioned Sleepless in Seattle to me and it set my mind working. I hope it lives up to it!
> 
> The amazing Clo has produced some brilliant artwork to go alongside the fic and you can find it here
> 
> http://memorieswarm.tumblr.com/post/178051480610/emmerdale-big-bang-the-fundamental-things
> 
> and here!
> 
> http://memorieswarm.tumblr.com/post/178051493835/emmerdale-big-bang-the-fundamental-things-apply

“Aaron?” The hand on his shoulder startles him and he swings round to see his Mum looking at him, face full of sympathy. He’s in their room, just stood by the window, staring out at nothing. “Hazel’s now off. Do you...I thought you might want to say goodbye.”

He should, he knows he should. She’s hurting just like him, but he can’t, can’t make himself go out there with everyone, feel their eyes on him, pitying him. He feels like he’s let her down too somehow. As much as he knows it wasn’t anyone’s fault, that it was just bad luck Jackson got ill, he can’t help wondering if she blames him. She’d left him in his care while she’d gone away to teach a few classes for a friend and he’d let her down.

“Tell her I’ll call.” He sees her take a step closer, backs up closer to the window. “I can’t...please Mum.” He waits until she’s left to go back to staring out at nothing.

They’d known it was coming, he’d watched, had held his hand as the minutes ticked by as he slipped away. It wasn’t fair. They’d fought so hard to get where they were, happy and settled. Through the days when Jackson had wanted to end it all, had begged him and Hazel to help him. To overcome all that only to lose him not that many years later was unfair.

It hadn’t been easy on anyone, but they’d managed. They made the most of what time they’d had, no one could deny that, the three of them. He’d thought Liv coming to live with them had, in part, helped. She and Jackson had become so close it was like he had come alive again.

He should go out there, make sure she’s ok. She’s too young to be dealing with losing yet another person that she loves. He makes himself move, smiles a little at the picture by the bed, the three of them at the beach the past summer. They’d gone for a couple of days to Scarborough, along with Paul, Jackson’s carer.

It had been a good holiday, even if most of the days had been spent indoors thanks to the rain. They’d camped in front of the TV watching the trashiest shows they could find, in fits of laughter at the comments they were all making. He hadn’t wanted to leave, to bring to an end the light hearted feeling and go back to everyday life, to normality. He still worked part time at the garage, the rest of his days spent taking care of Jackson, making sure Liv wasn’t left out. Some days he barely had a minute to himself, except late at night when he could finally be alone and all he wanted was to be held.

He wasn’t a saint. Nowhere near and of course he felt bitterness, anger, that they couldn’t just go out on the spur of the moment, that they had to plan, that everything was just so much sometimes when Jackson would be in a mood, when he’d snap, make Aaron feel tiny, never meaning to, it hurting all the same. Those were the days he’d leave as soon as he could, run up the hill outside the village, go down to the stream near Butler’s Farm and yell out all his frustrations.

It always helped. He’d gone there earlier, before everyone had started arriving, murmuring condolences that were supposed to help but doing almost the opposite.

He’s got one hand on the door when there’s a knock and there’s Liv, changed back into her usual clothes, one of his hoodies swamping her small frame. She’s been crying and he’s got her in his arms as the tears start up again. He can’t comfort her, doesn’t even know where to start.

“Everyone’s still here.” She whispers against his chest.

“You want me to chuck ‘em out?” He’s more than prepared to. His family have been amazing, have sorted everything out, even taking turns to stay over with the two of them the past week or so, but now he wants them to leave. They have to start coping alone. He feels his sister nod against his chest. “You want to go to Jacob’s for a while, and I’ll get rid? I’ll come over and fetch you at teatime, yeah?”

“Are you sure?” He’s used to reassuring her, she hasn’t wanted to be away from him for very long all week.

“Unless you want to help me clear up the mess that lot will have made? Didn’t think so. Go on, have a good time.” He watches her from the door as she walks the short distance over the road to the shop, before taking a deep breath and making his way into the living room, the noise already too much and it’s not even more than just chatter.

The room is almost alien to him. They’d made it bigger, some creative architecture and building meaning it could be both a bedroom for Jackson and a living room for them all. Now it feels too big, the bed and all the equipment gone.

Cain sees him first, tries to thrust a can into his hand but he brushes it away, instead moving closer and asking him to get rid of them all. He knows he can trust his uncle not to make a fuss.

“Oi, you lot. Our Aaron wants his house back.” He almost laughs as people all but scurry to obey. He nods his thanks and moves over to his Mum. Hazel is still by her side and he should have known she’d still be chatting away, never had been one for quick goodbyes.

“Are you sure you want to be on your own love? I can stay, it’s no trouble.”

“I’ve got to manage some time Mum. Me and Liv, we’ll come for tea tomorrow, yeah?”

It takes a few more minutes and then they’re gone, a hug and a few words from Hazel putting his mind at ease for now. It’s just Holly and Adam left now and he should’ve guessed he wouldn’t shift them as easily.

“Are you sure you want to be on your own? I don’t mind staying, even let you beat me on the playstation.”

“You shouldn’t be on your own Aaron.” She whispers, hugging him tight.

“I am though, aren’t I? I’ve got Liv, and we’ve got to get used to it.” Holly nods even as Adam goes to protest. He needs to do this though, and she gets that. It’d be all too easy to lean on them, to let them fuss and coddle him, but he has to be strong, however much it’s hurting.

“You know where we are. I’ll even cook for you one day if you like.” That makes him laugh, remembering the last time she’d cooked for them all, his birthday. It had been the four of them, Liv at the pub for the night. She’d blamed it on the oven but they were never going to let her live it down.

“I don’t think things are that bad yet. Go on, I’ll be fine.”

He closes the door behind them when they finally leave and everything is quiet, too quiet. He just slides down the door, sitting on the carpet, too exhausted to do anything else.

*****

“What are you thinking about?” It’s late, everyone is asleep and it’s just the two of them, listening to the rain hitting the windows. Jackson’s been quiet all day, even Liv not getting a smile out of him.

“Are you happy, Aaron?” He frowns, surprised at the question, because this is the most relaxed he’s been in ages.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” He shifts on the window seat, facing Jackson properly.

“I saw you earlier, when Liv wanted to go to the adventure park. You wanted to, and don’t tell me otherwise.”

“So what if I did? We had a good time here instead didn’t we?”

“That’s not the point.”

“You know if we’d gone she would’ve eaten too much and thrown up in the car on the way back.” He leans in, hand stroking his cheek. “I didn’t say no because of you, at least not in the way you think. I wanted to spend the day with you. Besides, she can’t get her own way all the time. We went to the karting place yesterday, didn’t we?”

“I don’t want you to ever think of me as a burden.”

“I don’t. Where’s this coming from? You’re not…” He couldn’t go through that again.

“No. Never mind, I’m just being daft.”

“Well I didn’t want to say.” He laughs quietly at Jackson’s outraged face, glad he’s managed to lighten the mood. “I’m done in...bed, yeah?”

*****

He wakes up in a cold sweat, breaths coming fast, the room too dark and empty and he fumbles for the light switch. It’s only half past two but he reaches for the phone. He hates that he needs help, that he can’t deal with it alone.

“Mum? I...can you…” He knows she’s on her way even before she’s put the phone down. He forces himself to get up, pulls on a t-shirt and goes downstairs, after checking on Liv who thankfully is still sleeping.

He’s got the kettle on by the time she arrives. He doesn’t have to say anything, she just takes him in her arms.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be daft love. Come and sit down. What happened? Nightmare?” The last few nights it had, he’s dreamt about the crash, every bad moment, but tonight was different.

“That’s the stupid thing, it was about our holiday last year.” He picks at a loose thread on his t-shirt, winding it tight round his fingers over and over until she stops him.

“It’s to be expected, sweetheart. They’re good memories, hold on to ‘em as long as you can, hey?”

“Yeah.” He rubs at his eyes, they’re stinging something rotten and feel like they’re full of grit. “I just...I miss him Mum, it hurts.” He didn’t think there were any more tears left, but here they were rolling down his cheeks again.

“Come here.” It feels good, her holding him, like he’s safe, like nothing can hurt him. “It’ll get easier, love. Why don’t you and Liv come and stop at the pub for a bit? Change of scenery might help.”

“I don’t know. Liv’s happy enough here, I don’t want to upset her.”

“What about you though, hmm? A couple of nights. You can’t keep this up, you’re exhausted. It’s ok to let people help you.” He nods, managing a smile. “Good. Right, well I don’t know about you, but I could do with my bed. Go on up, and I’ll bring you a drink.” He starts to protest. “Ah! Go on, I’m your Mum, it’s my job.”

He’s barely stepped into the bedroom when she’s there, mug of tea set on the side. He’s tired, enough that he doesn’t even protest as she lets him get in before tucking the covers around him like she used to when he was a kid. That starts the tears off again.

“It’s all going to be alright, I promise. Get some sleep, I’ll be round in the morning.” With a kiss to his forehead she’s gone and he’s alone again, but he thinks he might be able to get some sleep this time.

*****

Liv agrees to the idea of the pub more easily than he expected and by lunchtime they’re dumping their bags on the sofa and sitting down to lunch with his Mum.

“Have you thought what you might do now love?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, work and that.”

“Haven’t thought about it.”

“Well our Cain will take you on full time, told me they’re busier than ever, and now you’re free to…” She stops as he throws his fork down onto the table.

“Free! Is that what I am? How helpful of him to die so I can help out Cain” He needs to get out, can see Liv’s shocked face but he can’t comfort her. Everything is on top of him again and he can’t breathe.

“Aaron! Wait. I didn’t mean it like that.” He shakes his head, slumps down on the ground leaning against the wall just outside the back door. “You’re shutting yourself away.”

“I can’t help it!”

“I know, love, and it’s still early days, but you’re still here, and you know what? Jackson wouldn’t want your life to end too. That’s all. You can take as long as you want, but don’t shut yourself off.”

“I’ve been...the house is, well, it’s nothing but memories.” Everywhere he turned there were reminders, that no amount of clever design could hide. “Maybe we should start over, somewhere else.”

“Away from Emmerdale?”

“I don’t know. Liv’s settled for the first time in ages, but he’s everywhere. It’s too much. I can’t move on when it’s like that.” She puts an arm round him again and he leans against here. “I don’t know what he’d want.”

“It’s not about what he wants anymore, love. You’ve done everything you can for him. Now it’s time to think about you. You know...rather than a completely new start away from everyone, what about a new house.”

“Here?”

“Yeah, Mill Cottage is up for sale. Nicola and Jimmy are downsizing. He was complaining about it the other day. A new start, but you’ll still have your family around you.” He nods, it’s overwhelming to think about leaving the house, that he and Jackson have been through so much in, but he knows she’s right. He needs people around him, so does Liv. It might be the perfect solution. Tug Ghyll is his, Jackson left it to him, he could probably manage to buy the bigger house.

“Where would I be without you, eh?”

“I dread to think. Talk to Liv, have a look at it, get Jimmy to hold off the sale for a bit, until you decide.” He nods again and hugs her before getting to his feet.

“Thanks Mum. Come on, before Liv scoffs all our dinner.”

*****

“Is that the last box Liv?” Aaron asked as she came in. It had taken months to get the Mill how they wanted. It was probably, no it was too big for just the two of them and he’d been advised to split it into two flats to have some income from it, but he didn’t want the hassle, wanted his privacy too.

Now it felt like a home, his home. If he was honest with himself Tug Ghyll was never really his. It had always been Jackson and Hazel’s really. Some days he’d not even felt at home there. He feels guilty feeling that way, but it’s the truth.

“Think so. I just saw Marlon coming up the road with another casserole dish in his hands.” He laughs at her face.

“It’s what families do, Liv. It’s nice.” It was, the way they’d all rallied round, even now months after, and it felt like he hadn’t had to cook a single thing since Jackson died, which was good considering he’d almost set fire to the pub the last time he’d tried. “Go on, go start on your room so you can at least get to bed tonight.”

It was going to take an age to get everything, just so. He hadn’t realised he had so much stuff.

“Anyone home?”

“In here Marlon.” He stops sorting kitchen utensils to flick the kettle on. That was the first thing unpacked.

“I thought you and Liv wouldn’t feel like cooking.” He sets the dish on the table. It smells amazing. “It’s only hotpot.”

“It’s great. You don’t have to keep doing this, you know. Not that I don’t appreciate it.”

“No trouble, not like I do it for a living. Best get back or I’ll have Chas on to me. This place looks great.”

“Yeah well.” He’s still uncomfortable with praise, always has been. “First place that’s been mine, you know.”

“Enjoy it then.”

“Marlon!” He calls out as he gets to to the door. “Does it get easier?” He hates how small he sounds, but he needs someone to tell him, someone who’s been where he is, to tell him that he won’t always feel like this, like there’s a ball of emptiness in his stomach, like there’s nothing to be happy about any more. He’s good at putting on a front in the pub, at work. His Mum knows of course, but he thinks everyone else is convinced he’s getting over everything.

“Easier? Eventually. It still hurts, what happened to Trisha, but it’s not...it isn’t all consuming anymore. You’ll get there Aaron, even if it doesn’t feel like it now.” He nods, because the words won’t come and Marlon leaves with a smile.

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, staring into space before Liv is beside him, hugging him. He doesn’t know where he’d be without her.

“Alright?” He whispers, stroking a hand over her hair.

“It is going to be alright now, right?”

“Course it is.” If he said it enough it’d be true, wouldn’t it?

It’s a new start. The past months have been difficult, not least sharing the pub with his Mum again. In the end neither he nor Liv had wanted to go back to the house, happy to stay where the memories weren’t so strong, where he didn’t wake up hearing her cry, or woke himself from a nightmare. This though, this was their new start, just the two of them.

“Everything is going to be great. You’ll see.”

*****

Robert enjoys his work, sub editor of one of the South East’s most popular newspapers, but it’s exhausting in the run up to the print deadline. It’s always a challenge though, and that he loves. It might not be the high flying career in journalism that he’d imagined when he left university, when he had visions of sniffing out the big story that would appear on the front pages of every newspaper the length and breadth of the country, but it was his and he’d done it all by himself.

He lets himself into his flat, it’s gone ten and he can’t remember the last time he ate. Everything that could go wrong had gone wrong and he’s survived the day on coffee alone. The flat is quiet, he’s not sure he’ll ever get used to it, not after the loudness of his family home. Back then he’d crave a moment of peace, just five minutes away from his Mum and Dad squabbling or Andy and Victoria arguing over the TV.

It’s all his though, his space, no arguing over the bathroom or the TV. He can do as he pleases. It’s taken a while but he’s got it how he wants it. Comfy furniture, bookshelves everywhere, desk by the window for when he gets his flights of fancy about writing a book.

He checks his messages while he’s hanging up his coat. One from his Mum inviting him for Sunday dinner, one asking him if it was time to clean his oven, which it wasn’t because he barely used it, and finally one from Vic asking him to call her.

“You demanded my call.” He asks as he’s investigating the contents of his fridge. It’s pretty empty but he finds enough to make an omelette. The last thing he wants to do is traipse back out to Tesco’s on a Friday night. He’s not that desperate.

“I shouldn’t need to demand. Most people would want to speak with their baby sister.”

“Vic, I’ve had the week from hell. I work with literal idiots, so do you want to tell me what you want?”

“There’s no need to snap. I just wanted to ask you if you were coming on Sunday.” He sighed, he loved his family, but when they teamed up against him they were unbearable.

“I only just got Mum’s message! Do you even need to ask me?” He never missed Sunday lunch, if he could help it. His Mum was an incredible cook. “I’ll be there. Was that all?”

“Well…” He stops collecting eggs from the fridge because he knows that voice. “Mum wondered whether you might bring Chrissie.”

There it was. He’d been waiting, knew one of them would crack eventually. He would have put money on his Mum but he would have expected her to ask herself.

“No.”

“Rob, come on. You’ve been going out ages.”

“Six months.” It was going well, all the more reason to keep her away from his family a bit longer. He’d rather she didn’t hear all about his flaws or whatever else they could find to embarrass him with.

“There you go then.”

“There is no way I am subjecting her to us lot on a Sunday lunch.”

“You make us sound like the Addams Family!”

“Well let’s see. Me and Andy will argue about something, then Dad will start in about my job. You and Mum will ask question after question. If the two of you want to meet her then we’ll arrange something, but all together? No, not happening.”

“You could come over to mine. I could make something.”

“Fine. When work has calmed down a bit, yeah? Now, if I don’t eat something I’m going to expire, so I’ll see you on Sunday, yeah?”

He sighs when she hangs up. It’s not that he doesn’t want to introduce Chrissie to them, he does, but he knows she already thinks his job isn’t good enough, then again she could bond with his Dad about that he supposed, keeps pushing him to go for promotion that he doesn’t want. He doesn’t want her to look down on his family. They might irritate him, they might all fight like cat and dog but they’re his and he loves them. No, he needs to be really sure before he lets them meet.

He’s not ashamed of them, but he knows life is a struggle. His Dad still writes but it’s never made him a fortune and his Mum still does her part time shifts in the library, the same library where she met his Dad. They don’t live the same kind of life as Chrissie’s used to.

It wasn’t long after they came back from Italy, when his Dad met his Mum, and he remembers it like it was yesterday, even though he was young. His Dad was always reading and they made the weekly trip to the small town library. Robert liked it, but they would always go near closing time when it was empty and to his four year old self it was scary. He’d been hiding one time having got bored watching his Dad pick up books and discard them time after time. He couldn’t find his Dad so he’d gone back to his hiding place. She’d found him, had sat on the floor near to him, pulling a book from the shelf to read to him until he came out from the corner he’d wedged himself in.

After that she would read to him every time they went in, keeping him company while his Dad found his books, or did the research for his latest project. He was stupidly proud of the fact that whenever anyone asked her how they’d met, his Mum would say ‘because of Robert’.

*****

He manages to hold them off for months, but by Christmas he’d run out of excuses.

“It’s not that difficult!” He’s laughing as he balances all the bags in his hands as he locks his front door. “There’s like five of us!”

“Let me try one more time.” Chrissie asks as he loads the boot of his car. They’re driving the short distance to his parent’s for dinner and then making the long trip up to Yorkshire for Christmas Day with Chrissie’s family. She’s staying there after he leaves on Boxing Day until just before New Year so they’re in separate cars and he’s not relishing to journey alone.

“Go on then.”

“Your Dad is Jack, married to Sarah. Adopted brother Andy and younger sister Victoria, who’s training to be a chef. Andy is married to...hold on…” He shakes his head, childishly amused at her forgetting his sister-in-law.

“Tick tock.”

“Stop that. I don’t want to look a fool in front of your family.”

“Well Andy will be there so you’ll be fine. You won’t!” He promises as she glares at him. “They’ve been bugging me for months to meet you. They won’t care if you can’t remember everyone’s name.”

“That’s not the point. I wish I didn’t have all these trips to go on. I’ll hardly see you before Valentine’s Day.”

“It’ll fly by.”

“I’m in London for a night on the 14th before I leave again. You could meet me, spend Valentine’s together?” He kisses her with a smile, and opens the car door. “Fancy hotel, the works.”

“Sounds great. Now, you know the way, yeah?”

“Yes. It’s only a few miles.” He’s barely into the journey when his phone rings. “Katie. Andy’s married to Katie.” He laughs.

“Yeah. Oh, I forgot. My Gran and her husband will be there too, they’re back from Spain.”

“Robert!”

*****

“So, getting information out of Robert isn’t easy. He’s hardly told us anything about you.” They’d made it to the dinner table before the interrogation started and he caught Andy’s eye across the table, smiling as he remembered the same thing happening anytime one of them brought someone home.

“Mum, let her eat. There’ll be plenty of time for that later.”

“Not nearly enough though. You’ll be leaving soon.”

“Ah, that’s my fault I’m afraid, I’d promised my father before Robert invited me.”

“Well the amount of time we’ve been waiting for him to introduce us, anyone would think he was ashamed of us.” Robert sighs as his Dad speaks up from the end of the table.

“Oh no, of course not.”

“Dad, we’re both busy, especially since I was promoted.” He was beginning to regret ever agreeing to this as his Dad’s derisive snort reaches him.

“How did you meet though?” Vic, ever the peacemaker tries again.

“My father owns the publishing group that owns the paper Robert works on. I happened to be with him when he visited. Robert and I literally ran into each other.”

“I, er, spilt my coffee all over her.” He feels his cheeks redden slightly. “She offered to buy me a replacement and that was it really.”

“Keeping in with the boss. You always did know how to get ahead.” Katie quips and he glares at her. It’s nothing he’s not heard before and he feels Chrissie’s hand on his thigh. She knows how the office gossip had affected him, but from his family it’s even worse.

“That’s enough, all of you!” Everyone quietens as his Gran speaks, still the head of their family. “I think they make a lovely couple, now eat!”

Later, after they’ve eaten, he feels like a little kid again, sat in his father’s office, surrounded by his book collection, his own having pride of place in the bookshelves. When he was a kid he loved to come in here, watching his Dad bash away at, first a typewriter, and then an old boxy computer. He was never allowed to touch though. Now he’s here for a different reason and all of that seems so far away.

“She seems like a nice enough lass.” He smiled a little at his Dad’s broad accent. It was nearly thirty years since he’d been in Yorkshire, but he’d lost none of the accent. Just as the saying goes you can take the man out of Yorkshire.

“She is. Nervous about meeting you all.”

“So what did you want to talk to me about? Can’t remember the last time you bothered.” He clenched his fist and counted to ten in his head. Why had he expected anything to be different?

“It was when I was promoted. When you expressed your ‘disappointment’.”

“You could do better than some tinpot local rag!”

“That’s as maybe, but I don’t want to. I enjoy what I do, Dad. Isn’t that what matters?”

“You could be someone, make a name for yourself.”

“Like you never managed you mean?” Why did it always end up like this between them? It never used to be, he used to hang on his Dad’s every word, thought he was his hero. Now though, they couldn’t spend more than half an hour with each other before they were arguing. “Look the only reason I’m here is because...well I asked Chrissie to marry me, and...I remembered you used to talk about Mum’s rings. I wanted to give it to Chrissie.”

“Ah, now we get to the real reason you’re even here tonight.”

“I’m here because it’s Christmas, and Mum and Vic wanted to meet Chrissie. I don’t know why I bothered, but she was my Mum, she wouldn’t begrudge me it.”

“You didn’t even know her.”

“She loved me. You told me that, when I was little. Every night you’d tuck me in and tell me she loved me. Were you lying?” It’s as clear as day in his mind, the photo by his bed, his Dad’s rumbly voice as he talked about her.

“Of course not.”

“Well then. If it’s true, you can’t deny that she would want me to have something.”

Jack sighs, “I don’t have it. I did keep them, you’re right, but when Jackie married Kathy I gave them to them. He didn’t have the money for rings.” He didn’t really remember Jackie, a few vague memories lingered but that was all, he’d stayed behind when they left for Italy. They’d gone to the wedding though, when he was five, all dressed up in a little suit.

“So I’ve got nothing? Not a thing to remember her? Thanks Dad.”

He doesn’t let him answer, just slams the door as he leaves. He can hear Victoria and Chrissie chatting away so he makes his escape up to his old bedroom. It confuses him that it hurts so much. Pat was his Mum but he doesn’t know her, has no memories. Sarah is his Mum, the one he went to with grazed knees, with tales of school bullies, but a part of him still wanted to remember the woman who was part of him, and now there was nothing.

“Everything alright Robert?” He sits up at the knock on the door, swipes at his eyes, doesn’t want his Gran to see him cry.

“Just Dad.” She knows, he’s run to her enough times over the years when it got too much.

“He loves you, Robert.”

“Kill him to show it, would it? I wanted Pat’s ring, to give to Chrissie. I didn’t say anything at dinner, but I asked her to marry me last night, told her about the ring. I thought he had it. Now she’s going to think I’m an idiot.”

“She won’t, lad.” She sits beside him, holds out a small black box. “I might have listened at the door when I heard raised voices.”

“You always told me listening at doors was nosy.”

“Yes well, when you get to my age the rules change. This was my engagement ring that your Grandfather gave to me. It’s not much, not one of those expensive flashy things you youngsters go for, but if you’d like it, I want you to have it.”

“Gran, I can’t take this!”

“You can. I wouldn’t be offering if I didn’t mean it.”

He opens the box, and it’s perfect. “I can’t take this, Vic should have it.”

“If you don’t think Chrissie will like it…”

“No, she will. It’s perfect. Thanks.” He stares down at it again. “Gran, do you ever wonder…” He shouldn’t, putting it into words means it’s real, he can’t deny it then.

“What lad?”

“Well, if this is it, if what you’re doing is right, that you’ve made the right choice.”

“What do you mean? Is this about your job, what your Dad said?”

“No...I love Chrissie, don’t get me wrong, but...I can’t help wondering if it’s right.”

“Only you can know that, Robert. You must love her if you proposed. It’s only natural to worry.”

“I suppose.”

“The two of you make a lovely couple. Tell me more about her.” He grins, memories of the two of them chatting like this over the years coming back.

“She’s wonderful, she teases me rotten about the fact I write everything longhand, that I like old books rather than use a tablet. I don’t know...sometimes I wonder...if I hadn’t bumped into her, we wouldn’t have met.”

“Some people would call that destiny.”

“You don’t believe in all that stuff.”

“I met your Grandad at a tea dance. I was only there because my friend persuaded me. Maybe that was destiny.”

“You think?” He’d thought she’d dismiss all that as stuff and nonsense, she was such a no nonsense woman.

“I don’t know, but one day, when we were first going out, we were holding hands, and you couldn’t tell which was which, and everything suddenly felt right. Like it was meant to be. Like I said, you’ll know when it’s right Robert, even if it’s not clear at first.”

They leave soon after and Robert does his best to reassure Chrissie that everyone liked her.

“I wanted to make a good impression...and you, well you and your Dad didn’t seem happy.”

“I promise they loved you. Me and Dad, well it’s been that way for years. It’s not you.” He kissed her, didn’t want to get into anything about his Dad. “Damn I forgot the present for your Dad. I’ll fetch it.”

“Hurry then, we’re already late.”

“You go ahead, I’ll be right behind you.”

He watches her drive off, before he gets the forgotten present, thankfully avoiding his Dad, and gets into his car and drives away.

Earlier he’d been annoyed that they were travelling in different cars, but with the way he felt after his confrontation with his Dad, he was glad of the solitude, didn’t really want to deal with Chrissie’s questions. After a while he’d switched on the radio for company, trying to find something that wasn’t cheery Christmas music. It seemed like every channel was playing some version of Jingle Bells. It wasn’t until he’d been driving for nearly two hours that he found some kind of phone in. Usually he scoffed at them, but tonight it was the best of a bad lot.

“ _We’re talking Christmas wishes tonight as we head towards midnight. What are your hopes and dreams?_ ” He scoffed at it, the smooth voice and the schmaltzy music in the background was enough to put him off straight away.

He stops at a garage for frankly awful coffee and when he’s back in the car finds himself listening in again.

“ _We’ve got our first caller on the line. What’s your name?_ ”

“ _Liv_.” Robert frowned, she sounded so young.

“ _We don’t usually get anyone of your age on the show Liv. How old are you?_ ”

“ _Eleven_.”

“ _You’re up late. Where are you calling from?_ ”

“ _Emmerdale._ ” That startled him, what were the chances.

“ _What’s your Christmas wish then?_ ”

“ _I want my brother to get a new boyfriend._ ” Robert shakes his head, can’t quite believe he’s still listening to this, wonders why her brother isn’t thought capable enough of to find his own boyfriend.

“ _You don’t like the one he has?_ ” Jealous siblings, now that he could relate to. This might be ridiculous, but it was at least making the journey pass a little quicker.

“ _He doesn’t have one. He died_.”

“ _I’m sorry to hear that. Have you tried talking to your brother about this?_ ”

“ _He doesn’t talk. He’s just sad all the time._ ” He hears her sniffling and it makes him cross. This is what he hates about these shows, obviously the kid is upset, yet they’re keeping her on the air. Something in him feels so sad for her.

“ _Is he there? I might be able to help._ ”

“Of course you can.” He muttered, rolling his eyes, a strange sense of protectiveness running through him from nowhere for this kid.

“ _He’s upstairs. Moping._ ”

“ _Can you get him for me_?”

“ _If he yells at me, I’m blaming you._ ”

“This is unbelievable.” He mutters again. Even so there’s something keeping him listening.

“ _He won’t yell. You’re just worried about him. Maybe I can help._ ”

“Maybe you can boost your ratings more like.”

*****

“Aaron!” He stands at the top of the stairs, seeing her, phone in hand. Who was calling at this time of night on Christmas Eve. He should be down there with her, getting excited about tomorrow, but he can’t help his mood. It’s settled over him the past few weeks and he can’t shake it off. It’s not the first Christmas without Jackson but for some reason it’s harder to deal with this year. “There’s someone wants to speak to you.”

Damn cold calls, can’t they even take Christmas off? He takes the phone, with a quick squeeze of her shoulder and goes into the living room.

“Hello?”

“Is this Aaron?” It doesn’t sound like a cold call.

“What are you selling?”

“Nothing, no. I’m Karen, from Hotten Radio. Liv called in to us about you. She thinks you need a new boyfriend.” For a minute he can’t speak, can’t get his head around what she’s saying.

“You called the radio about me?” He swings round to glare at Liv, finds her sat at the bottom of the stairs, hugging her knees, sweater pulled over her hands. He’s instantly contrite, she’s still so sad, even now, and he can’t seem to pull her out of it. Had she been worrying about him, not upset for herself?

“Aaron? She’s worried about you.”

“It’s none of her business, and it’s certainly none of yours.”

“Aaron, wait. I think she’s finding it difficult to talk to you about this, but she’s obviously worried and upset.”

“Is this...do you get some kind of pleasure out of this? She’s eleven!” He couldn’t take her eyes off his sister, the way she cringed at his voice and he softened. Obviously it had taken guts to call them, even if he was mortified.

“Aaron, can I...what was his name?”

“Jackson.” He surprises himself by answering. Maybe it’s because no one else around him ever talks about Jackson properly, doing all they can to avoid it.

“Can I ask you about Jackson?” He closes his eyes, hearing his name from someone else, especially a stranger is always a shock. No one in the village really mentions him anymore, maybe afraid of his reaction, and he preferred it that way. “When did he die? How long ago?”

“About eighteen months.” It still hurts, but Marlon was right all those months ago, he could feel it starting to get easier.

“And there’s been no one since? I don’t want to invade your privacy.”

*****

“Of course you don’t.”

“Of course you don’t.” Robert stares wide-eyed as he speaks at the exact same time as this stranger.

*****

“Have you spoken to anyone about him?”

“I don’t need to, I’m fine.” He could make himself believe it, until he was alone at night, in the dark when the memories were strongest.

“What about Liv? How is she coping?”

“It’s been tough, but we’re managing. If you’re trying to say I’m not a good brother…”

“Nothing like that Aaron. You sound like a wonderful brother, but you must feel sometimes...like you’re in a bit of a fog? Do you mind me asking how you’re...are you sleeping well?”

“No!” Liv shouts from behind him and he glares again.

“It’s just Christmas.” He sighs, still can’t quite believe he’s doing this. “Jackson liked Christmas. He loved it. I didn’t, before him. He showed me how good it could be, and now...now I’m trying to be there for Liv.”

“That’s exactly what a good brother does. Liv is lucky to have you...but my question is, don’t you need someone too?”

*****

“Yes.” Robert whispers into the silent car. He sounds so sad, broken almost. Robert wants to reach into the radio and comfort him somehow. Then he laughs at himself for being so ridiculous. What was he even doing? There was something though, something keeping him listening, something intriguing about this stranger.

*****

“Just hold the line a minute Aaron, while we take a short break.” He shakes his head, should hang up, but something stops him. He stares at Liv, who looks scared and it breaks him a little to think he’s caused that. He nudges her over and sits down next to her on the stairs, holding the phone in his lap.

“Why?”

“You’re sad. All the time. I want you to smile again, like you used to, with him.”

“Liv I can’t...it’s not that simple. This isn’t the way to do it.”

“You didn’t hang up though. She might be able to help.” She sounded so sure, so young. Had he ever sounded like that, so convinced of something even when everyone said he was wrong.

“I’m never going to be able to live this down.”

“You don’t care about what people think.” He laughed, she knew him too well.

“Alright, genius. Go on, it’s way past bedtime for you. I’ll see you in the morning.” She’s smiling as she goes and he supposes it’s worth hanging onto the phone with some stranger talking about his life, just to see that again. “Liv...Merry Christmas.”

*****

“We’ve been talking to Exhausted in Emmerdale. Now we’ll open up the phone lines and see if our listeners have any advice.”

Robert clicks off the radio, laughing at the fact this man is from Emmerdale. Talk about coincidence. He doesn’t remember the place at all really, only visiting the once, but he’s heard all the stories from his Dad, and his Gran.

What was it about him? Why does he feel this connection. Is it just where he’s from or is it something else? He’s always prided himself on not being taken in by sob stories, has to have a certain level of cynicism in his job after all but something about this was different.

He doesn’t stop thinking about this Aaron all the way to Chrissie’s family home, and he’s not sure how to feel about that.

*****

“Robert, fancy flexing those writing muscles of yours?” He looked up as his boss walked in without knocking. He couldn’t help the glance at the pile of work on his desk.

“Me, why?” Like he didn’t have busy enough days already. He’d been hoping to get home early as well.

“I hear you listened to that radio show on Christmas Eve. It’s everywhere, and we should cover it. I want you to look into it and come up with something.”

“Us?”

“I know it’s not a local station but it was broadcast nationwide. We’ve already had people tweeting us about it. See what you can find out about him.” He narrowed his eyes, had someone somehow got into his brain and found out how tempted he was to do just as his boss had asked.

“Why can’t someone else do it?” He’d been hoping that being back at work would get his mind off the whole thing. That wasn’t likely now.

“You’re the one who listened to it. You know they reckon the station’s phone lines were jammed with people wanting to know more about him.” His boss doesn’t say anymore and when he’s gone Robert rests his head down on the desk in defeat.

*****

“So how was Christmas?” Vic asked as soon as she sat down. It was their regular Thursday night in and since he’d not seen her since Christmas Eve he guessed he was in for a grilling.

“It was good. Not sure Chrissie’s father liked me much.” He’d been polite but Robert wasn’t stupid, it was obvious he didn’t want his daughter marrying a lowly sub-editor.

“You’re an acquired taste until you let people in. As long as she likes you then who cares.”

“Nicely put. So, er, have you heard this radio show everyone is talking about?” He tried to make it sound casual enough, because if she got a sense of anything she’d be like a dog with a bone. He handed her the bowl of popcorn she’d insisted he make for watching the movie.

“You mean, ‘Exhausted in Emmerdale’? I’ve only heard bits of it. Why?”

“I’ve got to write about it. I listened to it on the drive up to Chrissie’s.”

“Right, what’s going on. You never talk to me about work!”

“Which you complain about endlessly. I...weird that he’s from Emmerdale, isn’t it?”

“Is it?” Of course it isn’t for her. She’s never been there, neither has he since he was a little boy, but he’s heard so many stories its like he knows the place. When he was little it was like a mystical place. “Are you going to tell me what’s up?”

“He sounded nice.” He’s impressed with himself for keeping his voice reasonably level.

“Who did?”

“Him, on the radio. There was...something about him.”

“What are you talking about? You’re with Chrissie!” He should’ve known she’d get it, she always could read him.

“I know! I didn’t mean...look, never mind. What are you doing for New Year?” Move onto safer ground, it was the best thing to do. He had to get him out of his mind.

*****

“You popping in for a drink later tonight love?” He’s only in to pick up dinner for him and Liv, but his Mum catches him before he can get away. “You don’t want to be sitting alone on New Year’s Eve.”

“I won’t be. I’ve got Liv.” There’s no way he can face the fancy dress party she’s got planned, especially now.

“Aaron…”

“Mum, the last thing I need is the whole village gawping at me. I’ve had enough of that this week, thanks to Liv.” It had been unbearable, everyone knowing his business. He’d hated all the staring, has stayed in the house as much as he could.

“She might not have gone about it the right way but she meant well love.”

“Yeah well…” He rounds the bar to hug her. “Happy New Year Mum.”

“You too sweetheart. Let’s make it a good one, yeah?” He nods, picking up the food.

“I’ll see you tomorrow after I’ve helped Pearl move her furniture.”

“On New Year’s Day?” She’s got that smile on her face, that proud look that always makes him a bit uncomfortable.

“Well you know Pearl! We’ll pop by for lunch, alright?” He knows she wants him here but the comments have been getting to him all week and he can’t stand the thought of a night in the pub. Everyone means well but he can’t shake the feeling of betrayal he gets when anyone agrees with Liv that he should move on.

When he gets home, Liv is nowhere to be seen. He knows he’s been a bit short with her the past week and she really was trying to do a nice thing but he feels inadequate almost, like he can’t do anything right and more than ever he wants someone to talk to. Maybe that’s why he stayed on the phone so long to the radio show. She’s avoiding him, has since Boxing Day, after a pretty uncomfortable Christmas Day, hiding in her room. He needs to talk to her, to explain that he loves how much she cares, but it’s his decision on when he’s ready

They have a good enough night in the end and it’s nearly midnight before he knows it. Liv is asleep next to him on the sofa and he doesn’t have the heart to wake her. Getting up he covers her with a blanket before going outside, leaning against the door frame. It’s not long before the fireworks soar up above the village. He can hear the cheers as the colours light up the sky. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt so alone.

“Happy new year then.” He whispers, and something sends a shiver down his spine.

*****

Robert is at a party with Chrissie for New Year, and too many people he doesn’t know. He used to enjoy this, making his way round a room, the small talk coming easily to him then. Nowadays he was just as happy at home with Chrissie. He liked parties, but not these ‘get yourself seen’ kinds of things but Chrissie had wanted to go.

“You’re having fun, aren’t you?” She’s back by his side and he smiles, taking one of the glasses from her.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just look distracted. You have all week.”

“I’m fine, just a lot of extra work, that’s all. You want to dance?” He leads her onto the busy dancefloor, holding her close.

“I can’t believe I’m going away so much. Not to mention being in London for Valentine’s Day.”

“London isn’t that far.” He murmurs, barely listening. “Didn’t you say we could get a fancy hotel, dinner, the works?”

“You still want to?”

“Of course. Leave it with me.”

Chrissie is gone again before he can say anything more, and she’s with her friends laughing and joking. He could join them but he feels completely out of place. He ends up outside, the gardens all lit up around him. There’s no one else around, too busy drinking and getting ready for midnight. He hears the start of the countdown and knows Chrissie will be looking for him but he doesn’t move, just leans against the wall behind him.

“Happy new year.” He whispers to himself, the voices ringing out from inside.

*****

It’s cold, that’s about the only thing he can think of, the only thing he can feel. The words being spoken are rolling over him and he knows Liv is gripping his hand as tight as she can, and it hurts, but he doesn’t care.

There’s nothing else, there’s no tears, nothing. He’s just...empty.

When he looks round there’s no one there, they’re all walking away and Liv’s hand has gone from his and he’s alone.

He wakes up in a cold sweat again, rolling over to look at the clock, half past 4. He only went to bed a couple of hours ago but he feels like he’s slept for a week.

He knows he won’t sleep again so he lays there staring at the ceiling. Everyone keeps telling him it gets better, and it did for a while he thinks, but just lately he’s back to square one and he can’t help but wonder when it will happen, because this, how he is now, it’s exhausting.

He kept his head down as he walked up the road to Pearl’s, not wanting to speak to anyone. He hadn’t slept again, the dreams too real to want to go back to, and it had been a real struggle to get out of bed, but he’d promised Pearl he’d help move some furniture and apparently it couldn’t wait.

“Alright Pearl. Not too early am I?” She’s already waiting at the door, and he’s not even late.

“Oh Aaron, love. No I’ve just got the kettle on. Happy new year.”

“You too.” He’d always liked her, she’d always had time for him even when he didn’t deserve it. “Right, where’s this furniture you want shifting?”

“It’s just that cabinet in the front room. I think I’d like it in the other corner.”

“Pearl that’s the one I moved last week!” She’d had a new carpet laid and Paddy had volunteered him to move the stuff for her.

“I just can’t make up my mind. I’ve got some of your favourite biccies in as well.”

“You know how to win me round. Give me five minutes then I’ll be in for that cuppa.” It’s an easy job, the cabinet isn’t that heavy and he’s sat at the table sipping tea before he knows it.

“So how are you? Haven’t seen you about much this week.” He often popped in, she always wanted to know how he and Liv were getting on.

“Would you be? After Liv called the radio about me...and before you say it, I know she meant well.”

“It might be just what you need.”

“Maybe but when I say, not anyone else.” He was fed up with everyone thinking they knew what was best for him.

“You will find someone you know. Right now it feels like you never will but one day he’ll be there and it won’t feel wrong any more.”

“You think?” Part of him wants to, he’s lonely, he missed the companionship, with only Liv for company, but he doesn’t think he’s ready, not sure he ever will be.

“I know. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, you don’t need to rush.” She pushes the plate of biscuits closer with a wink.

“And Liv?”

“She’s just dealing with it in her own way. She wants you to be happy.”

“You’re too good to me.” Like the Grandmother he’d never had she was.

“Don’t be daft. Now, I’ve been thinking about that cabinet. I’m not sure it wasn’t better off where it was.”

“Pearl!”

*****

Robert can’t sleep. He’s watched Chrissie go through her nightly routine. He’s never got why it takes so long and then once she’s in bed he’d started reading only for her to complain about the light keeping her awake. So now he was laying staring at the ceiling in the darkness.

In the end he gives up and goes down the stairs to make himself a hot drink. The house is too quiet and big compared to his flat so he turns on the radio to fill the silence. It’s when he’s sat at the table waiting for his tea to cool that it comes on.

“We’re bringing you the best of our late night shows. Remember Disappointed in Doncaster? Or Exhausted in Emmerdale?”

He pulls the radio closer as Aaron’s voice fills the room. He remembers hearing the pain in his voice as he talked about getting up everyday, making himself carry on.

“What was it that made him so special?”

“How long do you have?”

The little huff of laughter that he gave made Robert close his eyes. He should switch it off, go back to bed, to Chrissie, but just like at Christmas there was something pulling him in, keeping him listening.

“It was the little things, like sitting beside him watching stupid stuff on TV. He’d always take the mick when I cooked, stuff like that. He made me feel special, wanted. I’d never had that before, feeling safe.”

Robert switches it off, sips his tea slowly. He can’t help wondering if Chrissie would say such things about him. Would he about her? He loved her, he didn’t doubt that, but they didn’t share many interests, if any at all. She would complain about his favourite shows, his taste in music. They were both so busy they rarely cooked together. The thing was, he didn’t always mind when they were apart. He didn’t feel those things that Aaron had talked about, he merely felt like he should be doing things.

He must have sat there ages, long enough for the rest of his tea to get cold. He makes himself go back to bed but when he settles down beside a still sleeping Chrissie he finds himself suddenly feeling guilty. He’s not sure why, and even worse, he doesn’t want to forget him anymore, wants to know everything and not just for that stupid feature his boss is still banging on about.

*****

He takes the next day off work, and drives the short distance to his parent’s home town, to the library where his Mum still works part time. He knows she’s in today and when he finds her he hugs her for longer than usual.

“Well this is unexpected. Shouldn’t you be working?” He follows her as she carries on placing books on the shelves.

“Probably. Mum, I...think I’m going crazy. When you and Dad got married...no, why did you get married? Was it...were there fireworks, like you couldn’t spend another minute without him?” She would listen, she wouldn’t judge him, she never had.

“Not exactly. I loved him, that was enough. You want to buy your old Mum a coffee down the road and tell me what this is about?” He laughs a little, she’s not daft, he wouldn’t come to her for a few doubts and she knows it.

He doesn’t say anymore until she’s sat across from him in the tiny cafe down the road that’s lovely and cosy, compared to the freezing weather outside.

“Was it fate, you and Dad?” He doesn’t look at her, just drags his spoon through his coffee. They’re not ones for touchy feely chats really and it feels strange to be talking to her about this.

“Well I don’t know if it was fate exactly, but I shouldn’t have even been in that day. I was covering a shift. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have found a little imp hiding from his father. What’s brought all this on?” Her hand covers his, stopping the spoon’s motion and he looks up at her, kind eyes watching him.

So he tells her, tells her how he listened to this stranger talk and how he’s not stopped thinking about him since.

“I have no idea who he is, know nothing about him, but I can’t get him out of my head.” He sits back in his seat, can’t read her face. “He lives miles away for goodness sake. In Emmerdale of all places.”

“Well that’s quite the coincidence. Do you think that’s why you’re so fixated?”

“I...maybe. It’s more than that. I’m...I keep thinking about it, me and him. What am I saying? Why would I even…” He drops his head into his hands. He remembers coming to her like this when he was younger, wanting it to just be the two of them, hoping he was right about how she would react to him being bisexual. He should never have doubted her, she was just as supportive as he had hoped. Even just talking to her about this was making him feel slightly better.

“I don’t exactly see you in a tiny village. You couldn’t wait to get out of here. You haven’t mentioned Chrissie. Where is she in all this?”

“I...I love her, but sometimes...how do I know it’s right? How do I know I’m not making the biggest mistake of my life?”

“You don’t love. There’s no way of knowing that.” He looks up again and she takes his hand once more.

“I don’t want to spend my life always wondering if I could have done something.” She doesn’t answer and he needs to move, gets to his feet in a hurry, he has to get out. “It’s cold feet, that’s all it is. Happens to everyone. To you I bet?”

“Yes, a bit. Robert…”

“Thanks Mum.” He kisses her cheek. “I have to go. I’ll see you on Sunday.”

*****

“You know, Finn’s got this mate…” Aaron shakes his head, pushing his hand against Holly’s shoulder to shut her up. “It’s time Aaron. Come on, what have you got to lose?”

“I didn’t agree to a drink for you to set me up.” He fiddles with the beer mat. It’s been a while since he’s seen her and he’s glad of the company, but the constant comments from everyone about getting out there got old weeks ago. “I don’t need your help getting a date.”

“Well you don’t have much experience do you?” If it had been anyone else he would’ve walked out, but not Holly. She’d always been supportive, even when he’d messed her about. It seems so long ago now, like a different lifetime.

“Wow, go for the jugular why don’t you.” He sighs. “I’m not ready. No matter what you or my little sister thinks, I can’t.”

“It doesn’t have to be anything serious, just a night out. Adam told me about that guy at the garage, the one with the flashy car. He reckons you said he was fit.”

“Adam’s got a big mouth! I said he might be if I was interested, which I’m not.” He was pretty fit, the guy. His name was Ed, he’d brought his car in, late for a rugby match he’d said. Cain had took one look at it and told Aaron to get onto it straight away, expecting a good payday. Ed had stayed, chatting while he worked. When he’d finished he’d asked him out as he handed over the keys.

He hadn’t known what to say, was struck dumb. In the end he’d stuttered out a kind of thanks but no thanks thing. Ed had just grinned and handed him his number anyway. He’d stuck it in his pocket and forgotten about it until Cain had told Adam, and well, like he said, Adam had a big mouth.

“It’s always going to be difficult, no matter how long it is. Call him. You don’t have to see him again, but just try. I care about you Aaron. I hate seeing you like this.”

“I’ll think about it. Right I’m going home, before Liv and Jacob wreck the place.” She looks put out so he gives her a quick hug and whispers a thanks before he leaves.

*****

He thinks about Ed all the way home, can’t make up his mind what to do. Maybe he should call him, it can’t hurt can it. If only he could stop feeling guilty.

He can hear giggling as he opens the door, that goes suspiciously quiet when he slams it shut. He finds Liv and Jacob sat side by side on the sofa, TV on. They look like butter wouldn’t melt so he’s sure they’re up to something.

“What are you two giggling about?”

“Nothing.” Jacob’s too quick to answer. Aaron likes him, although they’ve not lived here that long, arriving just before Jackson got ill. He’s a good friend to Liv, even if they do get up to mischief together,

“Like I buy that? Come on, what are you hiding Liv?” She knows that voice, she can’t win against it and she hands him a photo with a sigh. It’s of him, couldn’t have been taken long after he arrived in the village. He looks so different, the tracksuit and the terrible hair which thankfully he’s grown out of. It feels like a lifetime ago. “Where did you find this?”

“In one of the boxes upstairs.” She looks guilty. The boxes are mostly Jackson’s stuff that he can’t part with. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright. What were you doing in those anyway?”

“Jacob didn’t believe me when I told him what an idiot you used to look with your trackies tucked into your socks.” He laughs because it’s still rare enough to see her smiling. “Can I go to Jacob’s for tea?”

“Yeah, go on. As long as it’s alright with your Mum Jacob.”

When they’ve gone he stares at the photo. He looks so young and happy. Now he just feels worn and tired. Maybe if he calls Ed he can get that feeling back, can feel something again. There’s only one way to find out if he’s ready he supposes. He reaches for the phone searching for the number Ed had insisted on giving him, but he can’t quite make himself dial.

He’s amazed at how good he’s got at distracting himself these past months and now he tidies the kitchen, makes himself a cup of tea and shoves a frozen lasagne that he knows he’ll hate into the oven, before finally he picks up his phone again. This time he hits call before he can talk himself out of it.

“Ed, it’s Aaron er, from the garage...yeah...I wondered if you still fancied that drink?...we could go...next Friday is fine...I’ll meet you...on the corner, ok...seven is great...ok.”

He’s a bit shellshocked. Ed seemed keen, almost too keen, but it’s a step in the right direction. Now all he has to do is tell Liv. As he gets up his eyes catch the photo of Jackson that sits on the mantelpiece.

“I don’t know if I’m ready, but I have to try.”

*****

“What on earth are you doing?” Vic stops in the doorway looking at the mess. There’s coffee mugs all over his desk, crumpled paper over the floor. “Did you invite me round just to clean up?”

“No, don’t be daft. I thought we could have a movie night.”

“Looks like you’ve already started. What is this? Are you watching ‘An Affair to Remember’ again!” He feels his cheeks redden. He likes the film, well more he likes the memories that come with it. He used to curl up on the sofa with his Mum and watch it when his Dad was away and they’d have popcorn and fizzy drinks.

“Shut up. You can pick the next one.” He sits back down at his desk and starts writing.

“Are you still working?” He waited for her to scoff at him. She usually teased him for writing his articles longhand, rather than typing them straight away. He’d always done it, even at uni he’d used pen and paper whenever he could. He found it relaxed him. He wondered if it came from all those times he’d watched his Dad writing, sat in his office. He was always fascinated by it.

He knew Chrissie didn’t understand it, his love of what she called ‘the old fashioned’. She was constantly telling him a tablet would be better than all his books cluttering up the place. He ignored her, his books were special to him and he liked all the bookshelves in his flat, they made it his own.

“No, I’m...you remember that radio thing I told you about?” She nods, turning round on the sofa to face him. “I, um...I’m writing to him.”

“What? This ‘exhausted in Emmerdale’? Why?”

“Because I can’t stop thinking about him, and…” He looks up at the TV. “They knew about love, that nothing could get in its way.”

“It’s a film! This is real life. Your life isn’t a damn film.”

“I know that. I have to...I have to know.” He’s been thinking about it for days. Whether to forget it or not, but no matter how hard he tries he has to know, one way or another.

She sighs, kneeling up on the sofa. “Read it to me.”

“Dear Exhausted...should I put his name? We haven’t met but...ok anyway...I haven’t done anything like this before…” It sounds so lame now he reads it out loud. You would never know he was a writer but he’s been at this for hours and it’s the best he’s got.

“Well everyone puts that. If you’re going to do it, at least be original.”

“I...I know that. This is just the first...well no...oh what’s the use, this is pointless.” He screws the paper into a ball.

“Rob, what about Chrissie?” He swallows heavily because he’d been trying not to think of her. She’d called earlier and he’d rejected the call. She wouldn’t be suspicious, he often did it when he was working, but he feels bad that it was because of this.

“She’s…I...she’s amazing Vic. She is, she’s just who I need.” He catches her rolling her eyes. “Look, I know you think she’s a bit…”

“I don’t think anything. It’s just...if she is just who you need, why are you doing this?” Times like these he wished she didn’t know him so well. He’d asked himself the same question over and over, but so far hadn’t found a satisfactory answer.

“I should write something about destiny.” He wants to change the subject. “He could be Vic, and if I don’t do this I might never meet him.”

“Since when do you believe in all that?”

“There’s something about him. He comes from Emmerdale. I mean what are the chances of that.” He can’t bear that he might never know. Even if it comes to nothing he has to try.

“You’ve...you were only a few months old when Dad left!”

“That’s not the point. It’s a tiny village. The chances that someone would call from there, and I would hear it...I mean that’s like...well it’s rare.” He’s aware he’s rambling and she’s looking at him like he’s crazy and maybe he is.

“Fine. Go on, keep writing.” She sits back facing the TV as he writes.

“I want to meet you…”

“At the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine’s Day.” Vic whispers, attention fully on the TV. His hand stops and he can feel himself frowning.

“What? I’m not going to New York!”

“Obviously! Ok, what about this. The Shard? It always looks good on TV. Tell him you want to meet at sunset at the top of the Shard on Valentine’s Day. Like the film.” He just stares at her, can’t believe he’s thinking about it, but at the same time he’s picking up his pen and writing again. He smiles a little though at Vic supporting him, even if she thinks he’s lost it.

“That could work. I’m meeting Chrissie for dinner in London. I can fit both in.”

“Can you hear yourself?” He hears her mutter, ignores her, too determined to finish the letter before he loses his nerve. Then he stops.

“I’ll be in London with Chrissie…” What is he doing? He slams the pen down and joins her on the sofa.

“Destiny might not always be good you know.” She pats his arm and gives him the bowl of popcorn.

“This is my favourite part.” Is all he says.

“It’s now or never.”

“Never is a frightening word”

“We’d be fools to let happiness pass us by.”

He can’t help mouthing the words, stopping when Vic stares at him grinning. “What?”

“Nothing.”

*****

“Aaron! No!” He wakes with a jolt to Liv’s scream, nearly falling in a heap as he tries to get to her. She’s crying and fighting the duvet as he reaches her.

“Hey, Liv. It’s ok, I’m here. You’re safe.” He holds her as she calms down. He thought they were gone, thought she’d got over them. “What happened?”

“We were in a car, and it was, we were stuck. I couldn’t get you out. Mum was shouting and I couldn’t find her.” She’s clinging to him so hard it almost hurts but he lets her. If she needs it he’s not shifting.

“You’re safe now. You want some milk or something? What did your Mum used to do?” It’s been years now, but the dreams are the same. They’d stopped a few months are she came to live with him, but after Jackson they’d started back up. “We could talk or...something, whatever you want.”

“Will you...tell me stories about when you came here?”

“I dunno, might give you too many ideas.” He sits beside her on the bed, resting against the headboard, arms around her. “Did I ever tell you about Clyde? He was the best. I found him on a visit with Paddy. He didn’t want me to keep him though. I don’t blame him, I was...well I wasn’t very responsible, but I wore him down. That dog was my best mate for ages...never judged me or anything.”

“Sounds nice.” He can tell she’s almost sleeping again.

“Yeah. You think you can sleep now?”

“I’m starting to forget him.” He knows she means Jackson and he holds her tighter.

“You remember his bad jokes though, I bet. It’s alright, Liv. You’ll remember the important stuff, and we’ll talk yeah, remind ourselves.” She nods sleepily and he kisses the top of her head. “Get some sleep.”

He stands at the door for a while making sure she’s sleeping soundly before going downstairs and into the garden where he can let the tears come and she won’t hear. He’d thought about having her live with his Mum, or even Paddy, after Jackson, wasn’t sure he’d be any good alone, didn’t think he was what she needed, but he couldn’t let her go when it came to it. He doubts himself every day. It’s so much harder alone. The scariest thing is, she’s right, he’s starting to forget too. Everyday it’s like he’s becoming more blurred, a little less clear, and it scares him.

He stays where he is, staring up at the stars, trying to find the strength he needs from somewhere.

*****

Robert waves Vic off in her car, watching until she turns out of the street. He’s cold but he doesn’t go back inside. He’s thinking about what she said, or more what she didn’t say, that he should forget about this stranger. He has a beautiful fiancee and they’re happy.

So why did he feel this pull, this need to meet him?

He sits on the wall outside his house, staring up at the stars, arms wrapped around himself against the cold, trying to decide what to do.

 


	2. Chapter 2

“Hi, I’m doing a story on radio listening habits and I wondered, do you have a number for someone at Hotten Radio?..You do, that’s great!”

“Hi, I’m researching a story on bereavement and a friend gave me your number. You wouldn’t happen to have a number for the caller you got on Christmas Eve, would you?”

Somehow he managed to get the number, the station’s security pretty laughable but it was there right in front of him. Now the question was, what did he do with it?

He leaves it on his desk while he goes for lunch, and thinks about calling his sister, but she’ll just say he’s an idiot and talk about Chrissie.

It’s not until later that afternoon that he makes his mind up and picks up the phone. He has no idea what he’s going to say, and the relief he feels when he gets an answerphone is immense.

*You’ve reached Aaron Dingle, leave…*

He slams down the phone. He has a surname. He can find out more about him, help him try and decide.

Google doesn’t help much, it doesn’t look like he has much social media. All he finds is his parent’s names. Taking a chance he searches under those.

**LOCAL HOODIE ARRESTED AFTER ASSAULT**

**LOCAL MAN INJURED IN CRASH**

That gets his interest and when he scans the article, he doesn’t know how he feels. Sympathy he guesses, but a sense of amazement. Aaron hadn’t sounded that old and now he knows he isn’t, the fact that he’s dealt with so much, only intrigues him further. He has to try, can’t leave it behind without knowing. He’s never felt like this before, and never about someone he didn’t know.

“Harriet, it’s Robert Sugden. Are you still working out of Leeds?..Good, got a job for you if you’re interested...Someone by the name of Aaron Dingle, lives in Emmerdale...the usual stuff, oh and photos...No, it’s nothing big, just a story...Yeah, I owe you one...Ok, a lot.” He hangs up and sits back in his chair. He was in far too deep and there was only so much of this he could blame on the story.

Still, all he can do now, is wait.

*****

He’s tired, a long day at the garage with Cain in one of his moods had left him drained. Added to a never ending line of customers, he was good for nothing but his tea, a beer and bed. What he doesn’t really want to find when he opens the front door is Liv on the floor surrounded by piles of paper.

“What the hell is going on?”

“These are all for you!”

“Liv…” He pinches the bridge of his nose trying to stop himself shouting.

“From the radio station. All these are emails from people who heard you. The radio station printed and sent them!”

“We still need to talk about that. You’re meant to be making it up to me, remember, not making all this mess!” He shrugs off his coat. “Clear it all up. I don’t want any of them. How did they even know where to send them?”

“They rang the other day and asked for our address.”

“For God’s sake Liv! You don’t just give out your address to anyone!” She should know better and it scares him just how trusting she is sometimes.

“It’s not just anyone. It’s the radio people. You should read some of these.”

“I told you, no. Now put them all in the bin while I go and take a shower.”

“But…”

“I’m serious. I know you did it because you care about me, but this isn’t the way. So get rid of them and we won’t talk about it again.” He relents a little when he sees her hurt face. “We’ll go up to the pub for tea after, yeah?”

*****

“Liv! Jacob’s here.” He slips his coat on as she thunders down the stairs, the sullen look she’s had all day still in place. “Right, I won’t be late, it’s just a drink, so no messing ok? Liv!”

“You’ve got a letter.” She’s reading as she walks over to him, not even looking up. “He sounds really nice. Look, it’s a proper letter and everything. Posh paper too.”

“I told you I didn’t want to know. Right, Jacob, is your Mum on her way over?” Alicia had said she’d look after them both, as he didn’t really want his Mum knowing he was on a date. He could do without the interference.

“She’s just on the phone to Aunty Leyla.”

“Ok. Can I trust you two to behave until she gets here?” He was already running late and he’s glad when Jacob nods, looking nervous. He’s convinced the boy is slightly scared of him. It has its advantages. “Liv! Put that down and listen.”

“His name is Robert, Robert Sugden. Read it. He made an effort!”

“No. I have to go. You’ve got my number in your phone, and I’ve written it down for your Mum, Jacob. The pub and the doctor’s number is there too.” He waves away her protests. It’s over the top, he knows, he’s only going to be ten minutes away, at a pub just outside the village, but his nervousness is making him panic.

“I’m not a kid. Look, will you read this. He sounds nice, and he lives in London. I’ve always wanted to go there.”

“For God’s sake! I’m not going to...London is miles away. Now I’m going. Behave!”

*****

Ed’s waiting for him when he gets to the pub and he pushes his nerves aside. Holly was right, he is inexperienced and now he’s here, he’s wondering all over again if this is too soon.

“Hi. Sorry I’m late. Did I keep you waiting?”

“No, only just got here.” He sits but he can’t keep still. “Aaron, relax.”

“Sorry.” It wasn’t like this, with Jackson. It was worse he thinks, if he’s truthful, it was a mess.

“Do you...it’s ok if you want to forget it. I know you said it might be too soon.”

“No, no, it’s...I...he was...there was only him. It’s been a long time.” Tells himself to calm down, that it’s just a night out, nothing more.

“It’s just a drink. You drink right?” Aaron laughs, feeling himself relax. “I’ll get you a pint then.” When he’s gone, Aaron takes a deep breath. He can do this.

As Ed comes back his phone rings and he gets up, moves away. “Sorry, it’s my sister...Liv, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“He wants to meet you on Valentine’s Day, at the Shard. Can we go? He’s nice Aaron, I can tell.” She sounds so eager but he’s at the end of his tether with her, knows she’s called on purpose, was angry he was on a date.

“Olivia, have you been hurt? Is the house burning down?”

“No, but…” He grits his teeth, doesn’t want to get angry, not here.

“But nothing. I’ll talk to you when I get home.” He hangs up and puts his phone away, groaning as he retakes his seat.

“Everything ok?”

“You got a sister?” Ed shakes his head. “You want mine?”

It does the trick though, it breaks the tension between them, and the rest of the night goes without a hitch. It’s not until later when he’s home and in bed that he feels guilty. He knows he shouldn’t, there’s no need, but it’s there, like a shadow all the time.

*****

“Harriet, what are these? I can barely see them!” Robert threw the photos down onto his desk. All they showed was two people in a bar. He couldn’t see their faces, couldn’t see anything except that it was two people, well shadows really, it was too dark. “This isn’t what I paid for!”

“I’m still on it. You wanted it in a hurry. What is it about this one anyway?”

“Nothing, just...just get me something better, ok?”

*****

“Why are we here? I want to go to Jacob’s!” She’s been complaining since he told her the plan, carrying on even as they walked up the road towards the pub.

“Liv, come on. I already told you, we’re meeting Ed and then he’s going to buy us dinner.” She’d been this way since he got home from the pub that night, and had sulked every time they’d gone out since. It’s been a couple of weeks and he’s finding himself enjoying Ed’s company, the guilt lessening every date. Liv was another story though, talking about the letter constantly, telling him how special it was that he’d sent a handwritten letter, that he’d taken the time to do it. Nothing he said would stop her.

“Why do I have to be there then?”

“I want you to meet him.” He stops, “I thought this was what you wanted, me to meet someone?”

“I do...did you read that letter?”

“What letter?”

“From Robert. He sounds nice.”

“Not this again. I’m not...I told you, it doesn’t work that way. He could be anyone Liv! Who the hell writes letters these days anyway!” He was so fed up, he just quickened his stride, knowing if he didn’t he’d just lose his temper.

“It’s romantic! He could be the right person. You should write back.”

“No. That’s the end of it, understand? I don’t want to hear another word!” She doesn’t answer but he sees her pouting as they get closer to the pub, where Ed was no doubt waiting. “I mean it Liv. No more of this. We’re going to have a nice dinner and if you can’t be nice you can go home right now.”

He wanted this to go well, wanted the two of them to get on. It would makes things so much easier, not to mention it might get this ridiculous letter out of her head. It still made him embarrassed to think about the amount of emails he’d been getting, all forwarded from the radio station. He’d not read any of them, just kept tossing the printouts into the bin, or coming home to find Liv and Jacob going through them.

It was just that one that had caught her attention and he had read it, not that he’d admit it to her, and she was right the man did sound nice, but like he said, he could be anyone, not to mention living miles away. It was a waste of time. Besides he had Ed now, and it was going well, better than he’d thought it might.

He was nice and he didn’t push. He’d told him about Jackson after a few dates. It hadn’t been as difficult as he expected. He didn’t know whether they were going anywhere but it was nice to feel like he was interested in someone, and that Ed liked him.

“Right, now listen. I want you to behave. Ed’s really nice, and I like him so just give him a chance yeah?” He sees the nod but he’s not stupid, he knows she’s not happy.

Ed’s at the bar when they walk in and he directs Liv to an empty table. He can already see his Mum watching from behind the bar, curiosity begging to get the better of her, but he shoots her a look and she stays where she is, lets Charity serve him. He can really only cope with Ed meeting one family member at a time. Then again judging by Liv’s mood, his Mum might be the preferred option.

“Hi. Sorry we’re late, again.”

“I’ve only been here long enough to get my pint.” That was Ed all over, laid back, easy going. Aaron liked that about him.

“I want to warn you, Liv’s in a bit of a mood. Probably going to put you off for good.”

“I doubt it. She can’t be that bad.” He laughed easily and Aaron relaxes. It’s not a usual date, dinner in his Mum’s pub with his little sister scowling at anything she could. “Aaron stop worrying! I’m dating you, not your sister.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.” He leads him to the table, where Liv is concentrating on her phone, no doubt reporting back to Jacob, the two of them were thick as thieves these days. “Liv put that away. This is Ed, Ed this is my sister.”

“Nice to meet ya.” He holds out a hand when Liv finally glances up. She doesn’t move to take it and Aaron glares at her.

“Hi.” It’s forced out of her and he glares some more as her attention goes straight back to her phone.

The evening gets steadily worse from there. She’s icily polite, only when Aaron nudges her and as soon as she’s finished her meal she’s up from her seat wanting to go home.

“Not on your own.” He was probably being overprotective, the village was safe, but even so, he didn’t take any chances.

“I’ll take her.” Paddy pipes up from the bar. “See her inside safely.” Aaron’s actually relieved, the atmosphere at the table was starting to get to him.

“Fine. Bed in an hour if I’m not home. Did you bring your key?” She shakes her head and he hands her the spare one that he keeps in his jacket after locking himself out a few times. “Oi, aren’t you going to thank Ed for your dinner?”

“Aaron, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. Liv.” She knows he’s not happy, he can tell. It’s not often he pushes back at her like this, doesn’t often need to, but just lately she’s trying his patience whenever she can.

“Thanks.” He resolves to tell her later that the fake smile she uses could do with some work. “Can I go now?”

“Go on. I’m sorry about her.” He turns back once they’re out of the door.

“Don’t be. She...got on well with Jackson?” He nods, because deep down he thinks that’s the problem. If anything she was closer to Jackson than him. It’d been a big change for him, his long lost sister coming to live with him, grieving and lost, him dealing with her on top of everything else. He’d done his best, tried to get her to talk to him but in the end it had been Jackson with his seemingly endless patience with her that got her talking and begin finally settling in with them.

Since he died though, their relationship had grown stronger, having to lean on each other to get through it. He was still too lenient with her, he knew that because of everything, but he was trying to be better.

“Yeah. It’s been tough for her. No excuse for being rude to you.”

“She hasn’t put me off, if that’s what you’re worried about.” The rest of the night is nice and Ed ends up walking him home.

“I’d invite you in, but…” The thought of Liv’s reaction stops him, and to be honest he’s still not sure he’s ready for anything more yet.

“It’s fine. Maybe...sometime you could come to a game, stay over perhaps?”

“Yeah. I’d like that.” He actually finds he means it. One step at a time.

*****

Robert can’t sleep again. He’d read but Chrissie will only complain about the light, will tell him again to buy himself a tablet and become part of the twenty first century or whatever it is she says. Just as he’s thinking he might be able to drop off his phone lights up.

*Turn the radio on...NOW!*

It’s from Vic and he knows she doesn’t mean any old station. There’s only one reason she’d text him this late. He gets up quietly, making his way downstairs to the kitchen finding the station easily, thanking the heavens that the show is played nationally. He can’t make out at first what’s going on but then he recognises the same voice from Christmas Eve, Aaron’s sister, and she sounds hysterical.

“They’re kissing!” Is all he can make out.

“Liv, are you spying on your brother?”

“Aaron, he’s kissing him!”

“Who is he kissing?” Robert hisses to himself and picks up his phone to call his sister. “Vic! Who is he kissing!”

“I don’t know...she’s obviously not happy.”

“Make them stop!” He takes the phone and the radio into the small utility room off the kitchen, doesn’t want to risk waking Chrissie.

“Liv, calm down. If your brother is dating that is a good thing. I know it might be scary for you, but Aaron is able to make his own decisions about who he sees. You’re just worried, this is a big change, even if it’s something you wanted.”

“Are you still listening?” Vic whispers, although he doesn’t know why. He’s the one hiding in the tiny utility room in his fiance’s house, listening to a radio show about a man that he can’t stop thinking about. This is his life now, like some kind of farce.

“Yeah. What the hell do I tell Chrissie if she finds me?” He hisses.

“You’ll think of something, you usually do.”

“Liv, what I suggest you do is, tomorrow morning sit down and talk to your brother and explain how you feel.”

At the exact moment the utility door flies open he hears the line go dead across the radio. He hangs up his phone as he sees Chrissie staring at him as though he’s lost his mind. Maybe he has, why else would he be doing this?

“Robert, what are you doing?” She sounds annoyed and he realises that just lately that’s happening more and more.

“Oh, it’s Vic.” He waves his phone around uselessly, “She’s been seeing someone and she thought she heard him on this radio show. Did I wake you?”

“You weren’t there. I was worried.” Oh good, now he feels guilty again. Why does this have to be so difficult.

“Sorry.” He gets up, kissing her cheek. “Go back to bed. I’ll be there in a minute. I just want some water.”

He follows her a few minutes later, but he doesn’t sleep, just lays there thinking about what he’d heard, unsure how he felt about knowing Aaron was dating. It was none of his business was it, but he couldn’t deny the disappointed, slightly angry feeling that had run through him when he’d heard it. He knew what it was. He was jealous.

*****

Aaron barely hears Ed saying goodnight after he kisses him one last time and a scream comes from inside the house. He rushes in to find Liv standing by the window, phone clutched to her chest.

“Liv? What is it?” She doesn’t look upset and when he realises she would have seen him and Ed he feels the anger building again. “What happened? You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“I saw a spider.” He might have believed her if he didn’t know that she wasn’t the least bit scared of them.

“Really? So nothing to do with Ed then?” He catches the smirk and blows out a breath. “I’m getting sick of this Liv. I can’t run my life for you, do you understand?”

“I don’t like him.”

“Well I do, so you’re going to have to deal with it. Now go to bed.” He stands firm, ignores her pouting. He’s tired, just wants things to be easy. Why is that so difficult to achieve?

She pushes past him, running up the stairs and he sighs, slumping into a chair. He was out of his depth, didn’t know how to deal with her when she was like this.

*****

“It’s such a good letter though,” she moans to Jacob the next day as they walk home from school. “But Aaron just goes mad when I mention it.”

“So, don’t.”

“How will that help? He’ll just keep seeing Ed.”

“You write back to him. Aaron doesn’t need to know.”

“But…”

“You don’t like Ed, right?” She shook her head, he was nice, but there was something about him, he was almost too nice. She knew Aaron thought she was just being difficult though. “So this is the only way that Aaron will meet this guy. What harm will it do?”

*****

“You’ll have to talk while I work. It’s a busy day.” He follows Victoria into the kitchen, bustling with people. “What’s so important that it can’t wait until I finish?”

“I’m going up to Emmerdale in the morning.” That stops her in her tracks and she puts down the knife she’s holding and stares at him.

“Start from the beginning.” He couldn’t miss the long suffering sigh and he owed her big time after this, he knew. “You can’t just drop that on me and leave. I thought you said...you didn’t want to hurt Chrissie.”

“I don’t, but...Ever since you called me, I haven’t slept. I can’t stop thinking about him Vic. I’ve tried, and I know I’m with Chrissie, but I have to see him.”

“He’s obviously met someone else now, isn’t it going to be a bit odd that you turn up?”

“Probably. I’ll say I’m doing a story...I don’t know. Hey, if nothing else I’ll get to see Emmerdale won’t I?” It was getting worse, nearly every moment was spent thinking about Aaron. “I...I have to Vic.”

“What about Chrissie? What will you tell her?” He shrugs, she won’t be happy. She’s leaving in two days and won’t be back before Valentine’s Day. They were supposed to be going out to dinner but he can’t put this off any longer.

“I’ll tell her I’m working. I just have to go. If I don’t, I’ll always wonder.” She sighs and he knows she thinks it’s stupid and she’s probably right, but she hugs him anyway.

“Just...be careful, ok? And make sure you phone me.”

“I promise. Don’t...don’t say anything to anyone though, yeah?”

“How would that go exactly? My brother’s gone to visit some guy he heard on the radio who has no idea what he looks like. Who would believe me?” She lets him go finally. “Will you be home by Sunday? Mum’s expecting you.”

“I know, probably not. I’ll let you know. Thanks Vic.” She really was the best of all of them, and he’d be lost without her.

*****

“I don’t understand why you can’t just phone rather than drive all that way for a tiny interview.” He winced. She didn’t realise it but Chrissie always seemed to find a way to put down his job. Fair enough this time he was using it as an excuse, but for all she knew this could be a big story.

“It’s not something I can do by phone. It’s sensitive. I have to go in person.” He carries on packing, not looking at her in case she saw something on his face. “It’s my job Chrissie. I haven’t complained about you not being here much have I?”

The disappointed sigh was entirely expected. “No you haven’t. I’m sorry, I miss you, that’s all. By the time you get back I’ll be gone and I won’t see you for two weeks. Do you have to be there so long?”

“It’s just a few days. I want to go and visit the village where I was born. I’ve no memory of it but while I’m up that way I thought I would. My Mum is buried there you know.” Again, not a lie, but he did feel a rush of guilt at his words.

“Fine. Well have a good time won’t you?”

“Don’t be like that Chrissie. Look I’ll see you in London on Valentine’s Day. It’ll make it all the more special.”

She still doesn’t look pleased, but it gets him a small smile and a kiss to his cheek. Whatever happened in the village, that was the end of it once and for all. He couldn’t keep doing this.

*****

He should have known this was a bad idea, bringing Liv at least, but when he’d asked her she’d wanted to come along. Not that she’d said a word since Ed had got into the car and she’d mumbled hello. Even then he’d had to glare at her to get her to answer.

“It’s only a weekend, maybe we can do something when I get back?” From the look on his face Ed hears the snort from beside him.

“Yeah, course.” He hesitates a little, it’s really not the best place for this, a busy train platform.

“Maybe just the two of us?”

“If you want.” So far it’s been a few dates, close to home. He’s still not sure if he wants more than that but Ed does. Maybe he should make that leap. A weekend away from everything might be good.

“Such enthusiasm. Well I should go, get a seat. Want me to bring you back a souvenir Liv?” Nothing. Just a glare in return and Aaron could barely hold back the sigh. He can’t blame Ed for trying but eventually he’ll get fed up with her moods.

“Right. Well, thanks again for the lift.”

“He’s taking me shopping, that’s why he brought you.”

“Um, no I’m not. Sorry about her.” He apologises when Liv plonks herself on a nearby bench and is out of earshot. “She’s adjusting.”

“Really?” He sounds sceptical and Aaron can’t blame him. He’s tried talking to her but he’s got nowhere.

“Who knows. Mum read it somewhere. I’ll talk to her. See you when you get back then.”

“Yeah.” He leans in, but Aaron moves so the kiss lands on his cheek, then he’s gone.

“Oi, you.” He calls to Liv, just as another train pulls in and they’re surrounded by people. “What did I tell you?”

“I don’t like him.”

“Well tough! Look Liv, I know you don’t like him, and maybe it’ll go nowhere, but for now he’s the person I want to be with, and I want to try. Do you get it?”

“You should...he should be perfect. The person you’re with.” She sounds so sure, so innocent that it makes him smile a little. It’s not real life though.

“Nobody’s perfect.” He couldn’t blame her wanting the best for him. No doubt when the time came he would want the same for her. Even so, life wasn’t the fairytale she made it out to be.

“I told you. Robert...he sounds perfect. Jacob’s Mum was telling me about reincarnation. Jacob reckons it means that you and Robert knew each other before, but didn’t find each other. Like a jigsaw puzzle and you’re the missing pieces.”

He stops listening as someone catches his eye. He doesn’t know what makes him stop, what makes him look around, but he does and there he is, tall and blond, looking round in confusion. Something makes him stare, like he has to commit him to his memory. Not that he wouldn’t want to, he can’t take his eyes off him. His Mum would say something about fate.

“Come on then!” Liv’s call breaks the spell and then he’s gone into the crowd. He’s not listening as she chats as they walk along, he’s trying to find him, the stranger, but he’s gone, the crowd too big. He feels disappointed and he can’t work out why.

“Right. Home.”

“What about shopping?”

“No chance.” He slings his arm around her as they walk out of the station.

*****

It takes Robert a day to build up the courage to travel the short distance to the village from his hotel. He’s ignored all of Victoria’s calls because she’s either going to be telling him to come home or asking him why he’s stalling.

He makes himself go the following morning. It’s Saturday so he’s reasonably sure that Aaron will be there. He just doesn’t know what he’s going to say if he is. In the end he has to stop in a layby because the car refuses to go any further. Before he can call for assistance, Vic calls again.

“If I ignore your calls it’s not an excuse to keep trying.”

“Well somebody got out of bed the wrong side this morning.” He doesn’t know how she’s so annoyingly perky all the time.

“What do you want?” He loved her, but God she could be annoying.

“How’s it going?”

“It’s not. I’m stuck in a layby because the car has broken down...what the hell am I doing, Vic?”

“Trying to find your true destiny, or some such romantic claptrap.”

“Why do I put up with you?” He’s grinning though, she’s always been the one to get him out of his moods.

“Shut up. You love me. Just get the car fixed and then find him. You’ve not gone all that way just to give up at the last minute.”

“Ok. You’re right...I’ll call you tonight, if I ever get out of here.” He sees a car pull up behind him and for a minute he thinks he’s seeing things because he’s seen him before. Harriet had sent over a second set of pictures, these ones taken in daylight, of Aaron, and he presumed his sister, walking through the village. They looked happy, and now here they were coming towards his car. He hangs up on his sister and takes a deep breath before opening the door.

“Having trouble?” He asks as Robert gets out of the car.

“Oh, yeah...not sure what’s wrong, only hired it this morning.” He just stands there uselessly, not quite knowing what to do. This isn’t how he planned it and everything he’d planned to say flies out of his head

“I’m a mechanic, so if you want me to take a look.” He doesn’t answer, gaze shifting between the two of them, the words just won’t come out. “Are you ok mate?”

“Yeah...yes, sorry. Please, if you think you can fix it. Unless you have to be somewhere?”

“Nah mate, just heading home, right Liv?” She barely even looks up from her phone. “Sisters!”

“Tell me about it. So, what do you reckon it is?” He can’t tell him who he is, not here, he’s not ready. How do you introduce yourself as the guy who heard you on the radio. It’s mad. He’s mad for even thinking this might be a good idea.

“There, all fixed. Just a loose connection. Saves you a call out anyway.”

“Thanks. I…” He nearly blurts it out but then Liv is complaining and Aaron is shushing her. “I’ll let you get on. Thanks again.”

“Do I...do I know you?” He’s looking at him oddly, as if he knows, but how can he?

“Doubt it. I’m from Kent, just up here visiting.” No, he can’t do it. It’s stupid and he should go home to Chrissie, forget all about him. He won’t though, even if he did leave, he’d never forget him. Even this short time has got him feeling more than he has in years.

He watches them go back to their car after a final nod from Aaron, even if he is looking at him funny, and he wants to kick himself. He doesn’t carry on into the village, just heads back to his hotel, feeling oddly disappointed. What did he expect? That Aaron would somehow psychically know who he was and fall at his feet.

“It’s me,” He murmurs when Vic answers. He needed to talk to her.

“Well?”

“Couldn’t do it.” He tells her, when he’s relayed what happened. “I shouldn’t be here Vic. He seems happy.”

“You can tell all that from a five minute conversation, can you?”

“Vic...it was...why on earth would he look twice at me even if he knew who I was. He’d think I was some kind of stalker.”

“You said you had to do it. That you had to know. What’s the worst that can happen? If it doesn’t go well you can just come home and never see him again.” It sounds so simple when she says it, but it’s not.

“Fine. I’ll go back tomorrow. I’m blaming you if it goes wrong!”

“Yeah yeah. Mum called earlier. Said she was worried about you. Have you told her?”

“Not everything, not that I’m here. Just asked her if she ever doubted how she felt about Dad and stuff. You didn’t say anything?” He didn’t want everyone knowing. If he was going to embarrass himself he’d rather his whole family didn’t find out. He could just imagine what his Dad and Andy would say if they found out about this and that’s the last thing he wants to be focusing on.

“Course not. So...tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I won’t be at lunch...can you cover for me? Vic...is this crazy?”

There’s a pause. “That’s the weird thing, the thing I can’t work out. It’s not crazy at all. It should be, but it isn’t.”

*****

He doesn’t sleep well, his mind going nineteen to the dozen and before he knows it it’s morning. He has to do it today, has to be back at work tomorrow, but he feels almost sick at the prospect, guilt and nerves weighing on him as he gets dressed. He makes an effort, laughing at himself as he does. Throwing his leather jacket on he heads to the car, unable to face breakfast.

Thankfully this time he doesn’t break down and he pulls into the village, parking outside the pub. It all seems familiar even though he has no memories of it, but the stories he’s heard from his Dad and his Gran mean he knows it somehow. Nothing looks like it’s changed for years, the only modern ideas are the chairs and tables outside the cafe.

He wanders aimlessly for a while, only stopping to buy some flowers when he sees the shop is open. He wants to visit the graveyard before he leaves. He’s just leaving when he sees Aaron and Liv approaching. He rushes round the side of the shop, out of sight as he watches them, smiling and teasing each other. It reminded him of how he and Andy used to be with Vic before everything went wrong between them.

“You’re not having crisps for breakfast!” He hears Aaron telling her.

“It’s nearly lunchtime.”

“Yeah and you’re only just out of bed! That makes it breakfast.”

“Aaron!” The two of them turn at a shout from up the street, a dark haired man is rushing towards them. He watches as they hug tightly and Liv announces she’s not watching and disappears into the shop.

He has to get away. He assumes this is the other person in the photos, that he hadn’t seen anything of except an elbow, the one Liv had called the radio station about. Harriet had told him Aaron had been on a date. He can’t hear what they’re saying but they’re laughing.

He turns to leave, hoping to get past without Aaron seeing him and recognising him from the day before. In his haste to get past he doesn’t notice the woman in front of him until he’s walked into her, sending her shopping all over the place.

“Oh God. I’m sorry, are you alright?” He bends down to pick it all up, hearing footsteps approaching and he just knows who it is before he straightens up. Aaron.

“You alright Pearl?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. My shopping isn’t though.” There’s milk all over the ground and he’s salvaged what he can of the rest.

“Sorry. I…” He trails off as he sees Aaron looking.

“You.” He can’t make out the look he’s giving him but he knows he needs to leave. He scrabbles for his wallet, stammering about paying for the woman’s shopping. She waves him off and takes herself back to the shop, and it’s just him and Aaron. “Hello.”

“Hello.” He’s smiling and he notices just how much it brightens his face. He opens his mouth to say more but Liv is calling from behind him and when he turns Robert takes his chance, back round the side of the shop out of sight. Thankfully there’s a path and he finds it leads to the graveyard. He should be safe there.

*****

“Who was that?” Adam jogs up to him. Aaron realises he’s just standing there, staring into space. Why would he disappear like that?

“I fixed his car yesterday.” He can’t help staring at the spot where the man had stood. Did he think he was angry about Pearl’s shopping, or something. There was something, he just couldn’t put his finger on it. “I’m sure I know him from somewhere...oh, never mind. So, you’re back then? I thought you’d abandoned us for farm life in Scotland.”

“Nah mate. Just nice spending time with Gran, you know? She needed me.”

“Well there’s plenty been going on here, isn’t that right Liv?” He’s over it now, mostly but he can’t help teasing her from time to time.

“Not again! How many times do I have to say I’m sorry?”

“What’ve you done squirt?” Adam’s laughing already and Aaron realises Holly must’ve filled him in on everything.

“Don’t call me that! I was only tryin’ to help.”

“Mmm, Holly said. Come on I’ll call her, we’ll treat you to dinner in the pub and you can tell me everything.” He can’t keep the smile from his face, now his best mate is back.

*****

“Have you ever had that dream? Where you’re walking down the street naked. That’s what it was like.” Robert had called her on the way home and she was sat waiting on his doorstep when he’d arrived.

“I don’t want to think about you naked thank you very much! You’re being overdramatic.”

“I’m not. He’s standing there in front of me and all I can say is hello, before running away.” He slumps down on his sofa.

He’d driven straight home, stopping only to lay the flowers on his Mum’s grave. He hadn’t said anything, what was there to say. On his way to the car he’d passed a new stone, the name standing out. Jackson Walsh. He guessed it was Aaron’s Jackson, and it made him sad all over again, picturing him there.

“It’s a sign!” Vic exclaims all of a sudden, making him jump, and he watches as she sits in front of the TV grabbing the remote.

“What is? My utter humiliation?” He asks from behind his hands.

“No! Wait a minute.” He watches as she starts fast forwarding through something. He’s not really looking to see what it is. “There!”

“All I could say was hello.” He recognises it immediately.

“All that tells me is that I’m an idiot who’s watched that film far too much. That’s all it’s a sign of. Anyway it’s obvious he’s happy with someone else, so what does it matter?”

“Of course it matters! You don’t know who that was. Might not be his boyfriend.”

“I told you, my contact told me he was on a date. Look!” He shows her the picture on his phone.

“Listen to yourself...your contact. Anyway that proves nothing. You can’t even see him! It’s basically a picture of someone who might be talking to someone else. If that means you’re on a date then I’ve got them queuing down the street!”

“I don’t care.” He gets up and starts sorting through his mail. “I’m done. This was a stupid idea anyway.” He’d thought about it all the way home, how stupid he was being. He had everything, decent job, gorgeous fiance, so why was he risking it all for this stranger, a person who had someone else and would likely want nothing to do with him anyway once he knew everything. His Dad would say that he was never satisfied, always wanting what he couldn’t have, never happy to settle for what he’d got and maybe he was right. Why couldn’t he just be happy.

“You don’t know that. You’re just giving up because it didn’t go how you wanted. What’s that?” He’s turning the envelope over in his hands.

“It’s postmarked Leeds.” He catches her sheepish look. “What did you do?”

“I mailed your letter.”

“You posted it?” He couldn’t believe she’d do that. No actually he could. She’s always been sneaky. To go through his rubbish and post it though, that was something else.

“Tidy up more often then! Open it. What does it say?”

“Dear Robert, Thanks for your letter. You sound really nice. Do you like football or Top Gear? Can’t wait to see you on Valentine’s Day. We might be MFEO...what the hell does that mean? MFEO.”

“Made for each other.”

“Are you serious? This is…” He can’t reconcile the letter with the man he’d met just the day before. “He wrote this?”

“Just because he doesn’t use fancy words like you, doesn’t mean anything. He obviously wants to meet you.”

“I told you...I’m done. He was happy with that guy.” He’d looked like he was, could he be wrong?

“But the letter?”

“That was sent before I made an utter prat of myself. I should just forget him, marry Chrissie and get on with my life.”

“But…” She knows him so well.

“But…” He sighs. “Nothing. He looked nice, that’s all.” It was an understatement. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him all day. “Right, are you cooking or what?”

Vic knows him enough to know when to stop, when to stop pushing and she nods and goes into the kitchen, leaving him staring at the letter. What if he really did want to meet, strangely written letter aside, he really did seem nice. Could he risk missing the chance to meet him? Why couldn’t he just leave it alone, forget about him.

*****

“I still can’t believe you called a radio station Liv.” Adam’s cackle echoed around the room. They were at the flat with a takeaway, Liv and Holly with them. Adam hasn’t shut up ever since Liv had filled him in on everything that Holly hadn’t.

“Will you give it a rest? You wonder why I didn’t tell you!”

“It’s brilliant mate. I thought Holly was winding me up!”

“Shut up. This is your fault.” He teases Liv, getting up to clear away their plates. On his way past he gently tugs on her ponytail so she knows he doesn’t mean it. They had words the night they’d seen Ed off on the train but there were over it and he thinks she might be starting to realise how he’s feeling.

“Someone had to do something. You were all mopey.”

“I managed to find myself a boyfriend. I didn’t need your help.” He can’t help sticking his tongue out at her as she scoffed.

“You don’t like this Ed then, kid?”

“Only because she won’t give him a chance. Too hung up on that damn letter.”

“Can I read it?” Holly interrupts, a mischievous look on her face.

“No!” He glares at her. Liv doesn’t need any encouragement.

“I’ll fetch it.” She ignores Aaron’s protests and disappears up the stairs.

“Why am I friends with you two again?” He moves to the sofa, ignoring their teasing. “Are you gonna let me beat you on this then or what?”

“No way. I want to see what this perfect guy had to say.” He sulks until Liv gets back and Holly reads the letter, knows there’s really nothing to be embarrassed about, but he can’t help the feeling.

“It’s like that film.” He turns round at that to see Adam staring blankly at his sister. “You know, the one Mum and Dad used to watch”

“A chick flick?” He screws his nose up.

“Anyway! It’s like that.” He barely listens as she tells her brother and an eager looking Liv the plot. He’s not interested and he’d really rather she didn’t encourage Liv any more. “It’s so sad. He’s just stood there and she doesn’t turn up.”

“What are you crying for?” Adam asks sounding completely confused. “It’s not real is it!”

“It’s so sad!”

“It’s a film!”

“Says you, who cried at Titanic last Christmas!” Aaron bursts out laughing at that, resolving to remember it for when he needed ammunition against his mate.

“I had something in my eye. That film sounds right boring if you ask me.”

“Well no one did. You haven’t got an ounce of romance in you Adam Barton. Is it any wonder you’re single?”

“Queuing up for you now are they?”

“Alright!” Aaron intervenes before the siblings get into all out warfare. “It doesn’t matter anyway since I’m with Ed, and even if I wasn’t I would not be meeting a perfect stranger in London on Valentine’s Day. Now if the two of you are finished, I thought we were going to thrash you on this, right Liv?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah, whatever.” She barely lifts her head from her phone and he sighs.

*****

“So, do they meet in the end?” Jacob asks as they step off the bus from school after she’d finished telling him about the film Holly had mentioned.

“Yeah, but not at the Empire State building. The point is, if Aaron won’t go then Robert will be standing there...he’s the one, I’m sure he is, not Ed.”

“But Aaron likes him. He seems alright to me.”

“You’re only sayin’ that because he got you and your Dad those tickets. No, Robert, he’s who Aaron should be with. I just need to show him that.”

“In that case, you should go. Meet him.” He insists as she lets them into the flat.

“To London?”

“Yes. On the train. It’s simple enough. It’s not far, only a couple of hours.”

“What do I tell Aaron?”

“You told me he’s going away. Say you’re staying at a mates or something. Not mine, he’ll check that, but surely you can think of someone, or sneak out of here somehow.”

“I suppose. What are you doing?” She asks as he grabs her laptop.

“Looking up trains and that. We’ll think of something, so that Aaron doesn’t check. You want to go don’t you?”

“Well yeah but…” Aaron would kill her, but on the other hand it might be her only chance.

“By the time anyone finds out it’ll be too late, you’ll be on your way.” He gives her a wide smile and she laughs, already excited and a little nervous.

*****

Robert’s beginning to hate Valentine’s Day. He can’t get away from it. He passes the high street on his way to and from work and it’s a mass of red and pink and this year he’s noticing it all more, as if it’s mocking him.

The past couple of weeks, since his disastrous trip to Emmerdale he’s tried hard to put Aaron out of his mind, like he’d vowed he would. Now it’s almost the day in question he’s back, invading his every thought. He can’t concentrate at work and when Chrissie calls he knows he’s been distant.

As he packs up his desk for the weekend he wonders again whether Aaron will be there waiting like he said in the letter. Will he be disappointed when Robert doesn’t turn up? It’s not like he can go. Like he told Vic, it was done now, over. He just can’t stop thinking about him.

As he’s locking his front door, ready to leave for London to meet Chrissie his phone rings. It’s Vic and he thinks about ignoring her but he never can. She’ll only keep calling anyway.

“Vic, I’m running late. Can I call you back tomorrow?”

“No. I want to know what you’re going to do. I haven’t heard from you all week!”

“I’ve been busy.” A blatant lie. He hasn’t been able to concentrate on anything and he’s astonished that no one has called him out on it at work.

“Always a good excuse when you want to avoid something.”

“I’m not avoiding anything. I’m done, I told you. I’m marrying Chrissie.”

“And Aaron?”

“What about him? He doesn’t know who I am. I doubt he cares.” That little nagging voice was back, the one that keeps him awake at night. “He’s got a boyfriend, remember?”

“And if he turns up? You’re just going to leave him standing there?”

“What do you want me to say? I’m making the right choice, Vic. I’m happy. Everything else was just a fantasy.” He hitches his bag higher onto his shoulder checking his door one more time.

“What about your destiny?”

“I don’t believe in all that. I just got caught up in a lot of nonsense. Now, I have to go or I’ll miss my train.”

“Fine. Have a nice time I suppose.”

“Really feeling the love Vic. Just trust me, and don’t tell anyone about this, yeah? Aaron and all that Exhausted in Emmerdale stuff is history.” There’s that voice again, telling him he’s wrong, that he’s lying.

*****

“I missed you!” He’s surprised by just how tightly Chrissie holds him when he meets her from her train. He was glad she was here, he could concentrate on her and not be distracted by thoughts of Aaron. He hadn’t expected it to be so difficult to forget about him. “I wish I didn’t have to leave again tomorrow. I feel like I’ve hardly seen you since Christmas.”

“I thought that would be a bonus.” He joked, taking her bag and wrapping an arm around her, steering her towards the exit.

“Don’t be silly. You…you’ve sounded so distracted on the phone. I thought you might have been having second thoughts.”

“What?” He tried to keep the shock out of his voice, she couldn’t know, there was no way. “Why would you say that?”

“Just a feeling. I’m being daft, but you’ve been swerving my calls a lot lately.”

“I…” He shakes his head. “Just busy, that’s all.”

“It doesn’t matter. So tell me, what do you have planned?”

“I was thinking, you could help me pick out my wedding suit. You know how useless I am about that sort of thing.”

“Well that’s a lie.”

“Hmm, don’t tell me you don’t have a colour scheme in mind. Don’t worry I’m not expecting you to let me see your dress or anything.”

“I should hope not! Lunch first though, yes?” He nods and leans into kiss her. He could do this, he loved her.

*****

“Liv! Come here a minute.” Aaron carries on packing as she stomps up the stairs. “Right. I’m nearly all packed. I want you to behave for Holly right? Why you couldn’t just stay at the pub tonight as well like we arranged I don’t know. You’re there tomorrow anyway.”

“Because it’s boring.” He sighed but he knew she’d likely have more fun with Holly.

“Nice. Anyway it’s too late to change it now. I’ve got to go soon or I’ll be late.”

“Can’t have that.” He just sighs. The arguments have started up again the closer the weekend has got and she’s still no closer to accepting Ed. He’s at his wit’s end with her.

“Oi! I’ve told you, I’ve had enough!”

“Fine.” With that she storms out and seconds later her bedroom door slams shut.

“Liv, come on, open up.” He knocks softly on the door. “Is this still about Robert? Surely you can see how ridiculous it is. I don’t even know him. I know you think he’s perfect but…”

“He is!” He sighs and slides down to sit on the floor by her door.

“You don’t know that. I’m with Ed and I really like him. I want you to like him too.” He looks up as she opens the door ever so slightly

“I’m not going to! Robert is the right one!”

“He could be anyone. I’m not going to London to meet a stranger! That’s enough!” The slam of the door is not unexpected. “You know what fine. I’m going away with Ed no matter what, so you stay in there and sulk. I’m leaving in half an hour.

Ever since he’d told her he was going away with Ed she’d been like this. They were going for dinner before staying at a hotel and he was going to watch Ed play rugby the following day. He hated leaving her like this but everyone had told him he had to live his life for him, not her. That was why he was partly glad Holly was staying the night, she could maybe talk to her for him, get through to her.

He finishes packing and takes his bag downstairs making himself a last cuppa before Holly arrives, hoping Liv might come out of her room before he had to leave.

*****

“So, what did you think?” Robert asks from the bed. “The suit, I mean.”

“Perfect. Blue always suits you.” She joins him on the bed, looking beautiful even wrapped in the complimentary robe, her hair curling from the shower.

“I have something for you.” He reaches under the pillow. “I had it cleaned and resized.” He tells her, handing her the box his Gran had given him. It wasn’t the ring she was expecting he was sure, but his wages wouldn’t stretch that far. He just hoped she liked it. “I know you said you didn’t mind waiting, but I didn’t want to...well it’s a special day, isn’t it?”

He can’t help biting his lip as she opens the box. “Robert!”

“It was my Gran’s. They didn’t have much but she told me Granddad used his savings to buy it.”

“It’s beautiful.” She looked up at him. “Really.”

“I know it’s not…” She stops him with a kiss.

“It’s your family’s history. It’s perfect. I have something for you too.” She gets up and he follows, hands winding around her waist, making her laugh. “Here.”

It’s a watch, a clearly very expensive watch, one he could never afford. “Chrissie, I can’t…” The guilt hits him in a wave all of a sudden.

“Of course you can. I’ve bought it now. I want you to have it.”

He smiles and puts it on, but it feels hollow. It’s still there, all he’s done the past few months. He loves Chrissie, he does, but Aaron is still there he can’t get rid of him.

*****

“You all ready for your wild weekend?” Holly’s all smiles as he opens the door to her.

“You never stop do you?”

“You’re young, and well, you’re not bad to look at. Why shouldn’t you enjoy yourself.” How did she always make him blush. “Liv ready for our girls night?”

“She’s in a mood. Liv! Holly’s here and I’m going.” He turns back to his friend. “She’s still on about that letter. I don’t suppose you can talk to her? She won’t listen to anything I say.”

“I’ll give it a go.” She checks her watch. “You’re going to be late.”

“Liv! Come on!” Nothing. “I’ll fetch her.” He climbs the stairs, only has a few minutes before he’ll make himself late for meeting Ed. “It’s not going to work you know. I’m going away for the weekend and sulking isn’t going to…Liv?” The room is empty.

He checks everywhere upstairs before trying her phone. When it goes to voicemail he runs downstairs.

“What is it?”

“She’s not in her room.” He can feel himself starting to panic already. “I’ve been down here the whole time. She must’ve climbed out of the window.”

“She’ll be over at the pub or something. What about Jacob? He might know.”

“You call my Mum and I’ll go over to David’s.” He grabs his keys as he rushes out of the door.

“Aaron she’s just playing you up.” He nods, not believing her, and all but runs over to the shop.

“Thought you were off for the weekend with your bloke.” Is David’s greeting. Sometimes he hates living in a small village where everyone knew his business.

“I’m meant to be. Have you seen Liv? She’s gone off and not answering her phone. Would Jacob know?”

“She’s not been in. I’ll get Jakey.” His foot is tapping impatiently while David disappears to find the boy.

“We need you to tell us if you know where Liv is,” David says when they get back. “It’s important mate.”

“I haven’t seen her today.”

“You must know something! Did she say anything?” His patience has worn down to nothing. “Where is she?”

“Steady on mate!” David moves between the two of them.

“Aaron, she’s not at the pub.” Holly’s there, hand on his back trying to calm him down.

“I mean it Jacob, if you know something and aren’t saying.” He’s trying to be his best intimidating self and it works because Jacob takes a step back from him and he’s shifting his gaze about. In the end he relents a little. “I won’t be angry with her, you can tell me.”

“Come on Jakey.”

“She’s gone to London.”

“What!”

“She’ll be at the station by now, she’s going to meet Robert, from the letter.” He feels lightheaded and he grips the counter tight.

“She...you knew? You didn’t say anything?”

“You should’ve told me Jake. I’m sorry Aaron. Get back upstairs.”

“Come on.” Holly’s hand is cool on his arm. “You can catch her up, there are trains every half hour I think.”

“What if…” He can’t think, can’t believe he didn’t see this coming, he’d known she was obsessed with him, with him being perfect for him but he didn’t even consider that she would do this.

“Hey, she’ll be fine. Come on, I’ll take you to the station. Keep calling her.”

The journey into Leeds seems to take an age and it’s not until he’s safely on the train that he even thinks to text Ed and tell him he won’t be there. He’s the last person on his mind. All he can think of is Liv, in a strange city alone, going to meet a perfect stranger.

*****

Liv’s never been to London before and at first glance it’s noisy and busy, the people rushing about King’s Cross station enough to have her wanting to get the next train home.

Thanks to the early birthday money from an aunt she never sees anymore, she has enough for a taxi. She and Jacob had tried to work out the right tube stops and buses but it was too complicated.

“The Shard, please.” She tells the elderly taxi driver as she climbs in. Thankfully the cab was warm and she tucked her freezing hands into her sleeves.

“You been to London before love?”

“No, um how much is the fare?” She had money but she didn’t want to spend it all at once. It was starting to dawn on her just how rash she’d been in coming here alone.

She could call Aaron, she knew she could, he’d be angry but he’d fetch her. If she did though, then she’d never know if Robert turned up. She was so sure he was the right person for Aaron. No, she would be ok, nothing would go wrong.

“It’s not far, won’t be much. Is someone meeting you?” He reminds her a bit of Doug from the village, a kind smile on his face as he looked in the mirror.

“I’m meeting my brother’s new boyfriend.” She fixes her gaze, hopes he doesn’t say anything bad, but he just smiles. The rest of the journey is quiet, only broken by him pointing out landmarks to her.

“Well, here you are.” He announces. She’d been checking her phone, the missed calls from Aaron in double figures and she daren’t check the voicemails. She gets out and looks up at the building that just seems to go up and up.

“Thanks.” She hands over the money and he drives off, leaving her alone, people rushing past. She makes her way inside, can see the lifts, heads in their direction only to be stopped by a large imposing security guard. She puts on her sweetest smile, the one she uses when she wants something from Aaron.

“Is this how I get to the viewing platform?”

“Do you have a ticket?” She hesitates. She and Jacob hadn’t even considered that she might need one.

“Er, no, but...I’m meeting someone there. It’s really important.”

“I can’t let you up without a ticket.”

“But...I’m meeting my brother’s boyfriend. I wrote to him and he’s going to be here. Please. If I miss him…” He doesn’t say anything, seems amused by her, “Please, it’s...his last boyfriend...he died and…I just want him to be happy.”

“I can let you up for fifteen minutes, but that’s it.”

“Thank you. You have no idea!” He just shakes his head with a smile, already lifting his radio to his mouth as she goes to the lifts.

There’s not many people around when she reaches the observation deck and no one on their own. She makes a point of thanking the guide who greets her, hoping she’ll be able to stay longer. She wanders a while, the view is amazing but she’s keeping an eye on the doorway, hoping there’ll be a sign of someone who could be Robert.

Aaron’s going to kill her and if he does she wants it to be worth it. Finally there’s a man on his own and she straightens her spine, trying to look confident as she approaches him.

“Are you Robert?”

“No, sorry.” He smiles kindly but she doesn’t notice. There’s no one else so she sits on the floor, getting out her sketchpad, the one Jackson had given her on the last birthday before he died. She’s not giving up, not when she’s so close. She’ll just have to wait.

An hour later and it’s getting dark and she’s tired. Nobody she’s asked has been Robert, and twice now she’s had to convince them to let her stay longer. She’s still sure he’ll turn up but a part of her is wondering if this has been a waste of time and she’s trying not to think about what she’ll do if he doesn’t turn up.

*****

Robert’s on edge as they’re seated in the restaurant. It’s fancy which he knows Chrissie likes. He can appreciate it but he’s just as happy in smaller, homelier places that Chrissie wouldn’t look twice at. Just another difference to add to the list that he keeps trying to ignore.

He’s still unable to banish Aaron from his mind, even after trawling round endless shops with Chrissie but it’s useless. What if he’s there waiting? No, he won’t be, he’s with someone isn’t he. He’d done the right thing letting it go. His future is with Chrissie, and that’s the end of it.

“This is nice.” She murmurs, picking up her menus.

“I knew you’d like it.” It was going to severely dent his bank account but she was worth it.

“You don’t have to do things just because I like them. What about you?”

“I want to.” He fixes his best smile on his face.

“I spoke to my Dad yesterday,” She says when they’ve ordered. “He was asking about the wedding, said we could hold it at the house if we wanted.”

“That sounds big. I thought we agreed on something small.” He can just imagine his Dad at Lawrence’s house. Talk about a fish out of water, and the looks he’d give him. It all has him pulling at his tie.

“We did, but there’s no harm in thinking about it, is there?” He nods, what else can he do. “Oh look!”

He follows her gaze out of the window and in the darkness The Shard is all lit up. He can’t take his eyes off it, Chrissie’s talking to him but he’s not hearing the words.

“Robert? Are you listening?”

“Sorry...I,” His eyes fall back on the building. It’s like his Gran said, he’ll know. He does. Finally, he gets it. “Chrissie, I have to tell you something.”

*****

“I’m in the taxi. Have you heard from her?” He’s trying to stop himself telling the driver to go faster.

“Nothing. Are you sure I shouldn’t tell Chas?” Holly asks him.

“No. There’s no point. I’m here now.” The train had got stuck at Peterborough for a good half an hour and his already thinly stretched patience had been tested thoroughly. He could only hope Liv was still there when he arrived. He wasn’t sure yet whether he was going to hug her or yell at her. Both mostly likely.

“She’ll be alright. She’s a smart kid.”

“Funny way of showing it eh?” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ll call you when I find her.”

“Let her explain. Don’t get...well, you know.” Holly’s quiet and her voice calm and it helps him, lets him believe she’s right.

“I’ll try. That’s the best I can do. Thanks Holly.”

*****

“So what this has been going on since Christmas, and you’ve said nothing?” Robert cringed as Chrissie raised her voice, knowing the rest of the diners would be listening.

“It’s not...I don’t even know him. I…it was nothing, but...”

“You drove all the way to where he lives. It was something!”

“Chrissie, please! I didn’t mean for it to...I can’t stop thinking about him, and I’m sorry but I realised tonight, I don’t want to.” She doesn’t speak for a few minutes and he’s not really sure what to do. “Chrissie?”

“So, he could be there now? Waiting for you?”

“I suppose...I mean last I knew he was with someone else, but he sent the letter, so I don’t know.” Having told her he feels like a weight has been lifted from him, after so long and it’s a relief.

“You could’ve made an excuse, gone there and if he didn’t show come back to me. I wouldn’t know any better.”

“I would though. This is me, trying to be honest. I tried so hard to put it...him out of my mind and love you. I do love you, that was never a question.”

“Just not enough.” It’s like she’s in slow motion as she slides the engagement ring he’d placed there only hours ago, off her fingers and holds it out to him.

“Chrissie, I don’t…”

“I don’t want you to...I don’t want to be a second choice.” She places the ring in front of him when he doesn’t take it. “I deserve better than that.”

“I’m sorry.” She smiles then and it makes him feel ten times worse.

“I know you are. Better we know now though hey?”

“I never deserved you.” She shakes her head. “Do you...I can take you back to the hotel, or…”

“No. You’re going to go over there, find out once and for all.” Her voice is firm and he stares at her blankly.

“He won’t be there.” He might have told her but he is pretty sure about that. After all he has someone doesn’t he, why would he turn up.

“Maybe not.” She glances over again and when she doesn’t look back he does the same. The lights have changed to red.

“You think it’s a sign?”

“I thought you didn’t believe in all that?” She’s smiling though and it relaxes something in him even more.

“No, I don’t...but, maybe.” He gets up, presses a kiss to her cheek. “I have to go.”

He’s running then, out of the restaurant, managing not to crash into anyone, and into the street. There’s not a taxi in sight so he just starts running, can only hope he’s not too late.

*****

Aaron’s finally made it, and he nods at the security guard who points Liv out to him with a smile, telling him she’s been there for nearly two hours, that even though the deck is empty she wouldn’t leave. She’s sat on the ground, clutching her bag to her tightly and he can see she’s upset.

“Liv!” She looks up, scrambling to her feet and then she’s running to him and all he does is hold onto her, all the worry leaving him, replaced by anger and he holds onto her shoulder. “Don’t you ever do that to me again! What were you thinking?”

“I...I wanted to meet him!”

“You scared me Liv. I’m supposed to protect you. I can’t do that when you do things like this.” He’d had no idea it had got so bad, that this obsession with that letter had come to this.

“Sorry.” She looks round. “I thought he’d be here.”

“Let’s go home.” There’s nothing he can say. She nods and picks up her bag and he flings an arm round her, not wanting to let her go anytime soon.

“Did I mess up?” He asks, convinced he should’ve done something.

“No. Did I ruin your weekend with Ed?” She actually sounds apologetic for once.

“It doesn’t matter. You’re more important.” He mutters a thank you to the guard as they get into the lift. “Although if you’re flush enough to afford trains and taxis you can buy the dinner. I’m starved! You know, I’ve been thinking, when we get home, we could always think about getting a dog or something...what do you reckon?”

“Bribery?” He just laughs as the doors close behind them.

“If you want to call it that.”

*****

Robert’s not that far away but even he will admit he’s not the fittest person in the world and by the time he reaches the entrance his breath is coming in gasps. He goes inside, stopped straight away by the sign saying the observation deck is closed.

“I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to try again tomorrow.”

“But...I’m supposed to meet someone, can I just take a look. Please.” He sounds desperate but he can’t turn away now, not when he’s so close.

“It’s more than my job is worth.”

“I...I just broke off my engagement for this...I don’t want to always wonder.” It’s pointless, no one will be there.

“You...Cary Grant?” He looks up surprised.

“You know that film?”

“My wife. Watches it every year around now, without fail.” He hesitates and Robert can tell his resistance is faltering. “Go on. Five minutes.”

“Thank you. You have no idea.” He rushes into one of the lifts before the man can change his mind. It’s probably futile and he tells himself not to get his hopes up, that he’d be long gone by now.

The announcement that the lift has reached its destination makes him jump and he takes a deep breath before stepping out. It’s deserted and the sense of disappointment that washes over him is so strong it stops him in his tracks. He’s too late. He walks right out, not taking in the view one bit but not wanting to go back inside, to admit he’s blown it.

What does he do now? A couple of hours ago he was engaged, he had everything, and now he felt alone. He’ll have to get his things from the hotel, and more excruciatingly from Chrissie’s flat at some point. Maybe he should go now, get it over with, figure out what to do next.

He’s about to turn and leave, when he spots a book on the floor. He picks it up, it’s a sketchbook, and ever curious he flicks through it. He recognises the subject of one of the drawings immediately.

Aaron.

He was here. He’d missed him. It’s like a punch to the gut to realise he was too late, that he’d missed his chance.

If only he’d got his act together earlier, had the guts to make a decision he could be with him now. Instead he has no one.

There’s a cough from behind him and he knows his time is up. Clutching the book to him he walks slowly to the lift, trying to avoid the security guard’s sympathetic look.

“I’m sure I left it right here.” He looks up, and it’s like time stops. He can’t quite believe his eyes, can’t look away either. Aaron’s there right in front of him, blue eyes wide.

“It’s you.”

“It is.” He wants to shake himself for such a ridiculous reply.

“I saw you, in the village, and at the station.” He shuffles his feet a little, still embarrassed about that whole episode.

“Are you Robert?” He glances over, recognises Liv and smiles.

“I am.”

“You’re Robert?” Aaron sounds incredulous.

“Didn’t expect me to turn up?” He smiles though, still can’t believe this is happening.

“Told you.” He laughs at Liv’s whisper and Aaron’s answering glare.

“This must be yours?” He holds out the sketchbook. “You’re very talented.”

“I’m Liv.” She takes the book and holds out a hand. He glances at Aaron before shaking it.

“Pretty sure he’s guessed that Liv.”

The guard coughs again and Robert sighs, doesn’t want this to be over and he has no idea what comes next.

“We should go.” He still can’t take his eyes off Aaron. If he does he thinks he might disappear.

“Shall we?” He holds out his hand, not entirely sure what Aaron will do, but he takes it, holds it tight and when Robert looks down it’s exactly like his Gran had said, he really couldn’t tell which hand was whose.

“I’m Aaron, by the way.” He chuckles a little, still in disbelief.

“Hello.”

“Hello.” Maybe destiny wasn’t a myth, was the only thing he could think as the lift doors closed behind them.

*****

“What are you doing?” Robert watches amused as Aaron rearranges the cushions on the sofa for the third time. “There’s nothing to be nervous about.”

“Meeting your family is not nothing.” It’s an argument they’ve been having ever since the arrangements had been made.

“Aaron…”

“I want to make a good impression...it’s important. I want them to like me.”

“They will. Mum’s going to love you, and Gran, and I think Vic already prefers you to me.” He doesn’t mention his Dad, he’s not really sure what he’ll think. He’d been disappointed when he told them about breaking up with Chrissie, that familiar look in his eye, the one that said Robert had let him down. It was partly why Robert had been so reluctant to invite them. Especially at Christmas, but Aaron had insisted, even calling his Mum out of the blue. “Where’s Liv?”

“I said she could have her tea at Jacob’s and come home later to meet them. She’ll only get bored and disappear upstairs if she’s here anyway.” Well that was true. He’d only been living here a short time but her lack of attention span was notorious.

“Ok. Now, stop pacing, it’ll be fine.” Aaron just sighs and slumps down onto the sofa. Robert chuckles and sits next to him, taking his hand, if nothing else it’d stop him getting up and pacing again.

While they’re waiting, he can’t help but think back over the last few months. It’s been a bit of a whirlwind but he wouldn’t change a thing. That first night they’d got a couple of hotel rooms. It was too late for Aaron and Liv to come home and he could hardly go back to Chrissie. Liv had crashed out almost immediately leaving the two of them awkwardly looking at each other. It hadn’t lasted long, and they spent the night talking.

It was like they’d known each other forever, and the next morning he hadn’t wanted to leave them. In fact Liv wasn’t going to let him until he promised to come up north the next weekend. That backwards and forwards had gone on for weeks, him up here, and Aaron down to Kent, getting to know each other.

It hadn’t been a difficult decision in the end to move up here a couple of months ago, to move in with Aaron and Liv, a new job with a paper in Leeds just the icing on the cake. Everything was pretty perfect which was why he wanted this dinner to go well.

Despite him telling Aaron not to be nervous, he couldn’t help the nerves getting to him all of a sudden. Everything is ready, the decorations have been up for weeks and the dinner is cooking, Christmas music playing in the background. He hadn’t been nervous last year, more like irritated that he couldn’t put it off any longer than anything else. He was happy that Vic would be there, she could always defuse any situation and equally relieved that Andy and Katie had declined, that would never have gone well.

Vic had already met Aaron, arriving unannounced one weekend when Aaron had been staying with him. Just as he’d known they would, the two of them got on like a house on fire.

“Stop pacing.”

“They’re late.” He checks his phone again. Nothing.

“Only by a few minutes. Doug’s probably boring them with tales of his garden.” Aaron had suggested they stay here but God bless her his Mum had insisted they all book in at the B&B. “Why’re you nervous? I’m the one meeting them for the first time.”

“I want it to go well…I don’t...what if they put you off?”

“Idiot! If your kicking and ridiculous habit of leaving bits of paper everywhere hasn’t got rid of me then nothing will.” He’s about to answer when the door buzzer sounds.

“Relax!” He tells him and goes to the door, opening it to find his Mum beaming at him.

“Hiya, love. Sorry we’re late, your Dad couldn’t decide on a tie.” She reaches up to kiss his cheek and he realises how much he’s misses her being just a few miles away.

“Hi Mum, Dad. You didn’t need to go to any trouble.” He tells him, wincing slightly when he sees his look at Robert’s casual shirt. “Come on in. Gran, Vic.”

“Nice house.” He hears his Dad mutter.

“All Aaron. He’s just through here.” He leads them to where he’s waiting, almost stood to attention, “Everyone, this is Aaron.” He goes to stand beside him, nudging him gently before resting his hand on his back.

“Hi.” Aaron holds out his hand, eyes widening as Sarah envelops him in a hug. Robert looks at his Dad and rolls his eyes, both of them used to her. He leaves Aaron to be hugged, and goodness, kissed on the cheek by his Gran, to hug his Mum again.

“I always did say you had good taste love.”

“Mum!” Not even a minute and he could feel his cheeks redden. Why did he think this was a good idea.

“Oh hush. It’s lovely to meet you.” His relief must show because his Dad is almost smiling at him. Maybe it won’t be so bad after all.

*****

“How are you getting on at work then Robert?” They’re halfway through dinner before his Dad finally speaks up. “Probably helps that it’s not owned by Lawrence White, eh?” He glances at Aaron and hears his Mum tell his Dad to be quiet.

“It’s alright, Mum. Dad’s right, it does help. Look I’m not proud of a lot of what happened, not telling Chrissie and all, but I’m happy now, happier than ever so it was worth it.” He feels Aaron take his hand under the table and he smiles.

“We can see that love.”

“Can you?” He doesn’t take his eyes off his Dad.

“Well...you seem to have got it all sorted in the end, I’ll say that. That’s what matters, eh?” It’s the best he’s likely to get so he nods and then Vic launches into a story about her job and the atmosphere lightens.

“Alright?” Aaron whispers.

“Yeah, I am.”

*****

The rest of the evening goes smoothly and when Liv arrives home his Mum instantly fusses and Liv, surprisingly lets her and he finally relaxes fully. It’s when they’re saying goodbye his Dad gets him on his own.

“Aaron seems like a good lad.”

“He is.”

“As long as you’re happy.” He scratches at his neck and Robert realises he’s nervous, and he looks a little lost. “Your Mum, and your Gran...well they told me my fortune, and well...you’re my son and you’re happy. I can’t argue with that.” Robert doesn’t know what to say because they’re probably not fixed, maybe never will be, but it’s a start. Then Aaron’s there shaking his Dad’s hand.

“It was nice to meet you.”

“You too lad. You know I once thought about buying this place, for me and Robert.”

“You did? You never told me that.”

“Not like he knew you’d fall in love with the owner thirty years later, Rob!” Victoria’s laughing and he shakes his head at her, hugging her to his side.

“You weren’t very old, It was a choice between Italy or here. Too many memories around here I suppose…” Something makes him hug his Dad all of a sudden. He can’t remember the last time he did. “Well...we should be going. I expect Liv will have you up bright and early for her presents.”

“I better have a good one from them after I got them together!”

“We’re never going to hear the end of that are we?” Robert says, making everyone laugh. “I’ll just see them to the B&B, alright?” He asks Aaron who nods, already gearing up to tease Liv some more.

When he’s outside he links arms with his Gran, walking slightly behind the others. “So, what do you think?”

“Do you really care about my opinion?”

“Yes.” He did. It wouldn’t change a thing, but after his Mum, her opinion mattered the most. “What you said last Christmas, that I’d know...you were right. The minute I heard him, I knew.”

“Then what I think doesn’t matter lad. But, as you’re obviously not going to give up, Aaron suits you and obviously loves you.”

“He makes me happy, happier than I’ve felt in I don’t know how long. Guess there’s something to be said about fate and destiny after all.”

“Stuff and nonsense if you ask me.”

“But...you said…All that about Granddad.”

“Aye, I did, because you needed to know it was ok to not settle for less than you want. Oh Chrissie was charming and you would’ve muddled along, but you’re a different person now.”

“You’re a terrible meddler!” He stopped and kissed her cheek. “And I love you for it.”

“When you get to my age you’re allowed to meddle. Now get on home to your family. It’s Christmas!” She pats his arm as she lets go and strides off up the road. He watches them go into the B&B before turning back home. When he gets inside Liv is nowhere to be seen and Aaron’s laying on the sofa, beer clutched in his hand. Robert takes it from him before shoving him over so he can lay beside him. It’s a tight squeeze but he’s not complaining.

 “Well that went ok.” Aaron murmurs, sleepily.

“Yeah. You, Aaron Dingle, are a bloody miracle worker. My Dad and I didn’t fight. I’m not sure when that last happened, and my Mum...she loved you. Told you she would.” He walks over, kisses him softly. “Gran too.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Yes you did.” He sighs as he wraps his arms round him. “A year ago...I don’t want to say I was unhappy because it wasn’t that but...if I hadn’t heard you on the radio…Gran saw it, spun me this tale about her and Granddad. I hadn’t found who I wanted...needed.”

“And now?”

“Now? He’s right where I want him.”

“Hell of a year, hey? I never thought I’d find anyone else. I still miss him, probably always will but...with you it’s different. Sorry, you don’t want to talk about Jackson.”

“I do if you need to. You’re going to miss him, Aaron. You and Liv. You don’t have to hide it.”

“It’s not that...I said I miss him, but I realised that although I loved him, it wasn’t the same. Not the same as I love you.”

“You…” He can’t think because he knows, of course he does, but Aaron’s never said it, never spoken the actual words.

“I’m not like you, Robert, you know exactly what words to use and I wanted to tell you that it’s more than that, but I didn’t know how.”

“I don’t need fancy words.” He kisses him, stops any protests, lets his hands run through his hair. “I love you too, for the record.”

“Liv really isn’t going to let drop you know, that she did this.” He laughs, it’s all they’ve heard everytime she wants something.

“Good, cos I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to imagine it if she didn’t.”

“Idiot.”

“Yeah, but I’m your idiot.”

*****

They didn’t hear Liv come downstairs, too wrapped up in each other to notice. Nor did they hear her on the phone.

“I called you last year, about my brother ‘Exhausted in Emmerdale’? I want you to know, I got my Christmas wish.”

 

 


End file.
